Past two nights, I've lied on the sofa in the dark. His fingers runs through my hair, it calms my nerves for a bit. We talk all night about the past and plans for the future. We decided to make it better. I slowly drift into a half wake half dream stage. He kisses my forehead tells me words I only want to hear from him. Shuts the door sliently and I awake. I cut off the television and climb my way up the endless stairs. My head spins and I wish it would go away. After fifteen minutes of swallowing pills, choking on water, and watching a favorite classic. I call him. We talk about day ahead and the weekend coming. We've got plans. I wonder into my room, stumble over piles of clothes. Turn off the light and turn on the night light (I'm afraid of the dark). We tell jokes and laugh at our stupidity. My stomach turns and my head ache. I decide to end the conversation early.