Everything in my life has been so amazing. I'm still engaged - to a far better guy than I probably deserve. I no longer live with my abusive grandmother, instead we live with his mother. We're saving up money to get our own place soon. I have a published novel. I'm working my way up in the writing community. I have a ton of new friends who truly care about me for who I am.

So what's wrong?

The old problems keep finding a way to surface.

Two years ago, I was diagnosed with Anxiety (specifically hypocondria anxiety) which leads to occasional depression, and mild OCD.

Today is one of those days where depression decides to rear its ugly head and make me question EVERYTHING. I wish it got easier to deal with as time goes on. Truthfully, I know how to handle it better than when I was younger, but it's a double-edged sword. Sure, I know the HEALTHY ways to deal with stress/depression, but knowing the healthy ways means that I can't utilize the UNHEALTHY ones. And the unhealthy ones seem to work so much better/easier.

Maybe it's just because they're what I'm used to? Food for thought, I guess.

It just seems like every day I deal with this is wearing me down. I want to be strong enough but it's so hard. I have so much to life for if only my mind will give me peace. I hate it. I wouldn't wish it on anybody. I just want to get better.

I'm going to be updating this frequently as my therapist thinks I should get a journal of some kind...so that's what I'm going to do.