So

This semester is almost done. I'm two finals away from it being over. I just want it to end so I can get a good mental rest because it's been pretty taxing. Also stupid anxiety has been surfacing again. I'm tired of it - it in itself is a huge drain on my mental health. I've decided after the holidays pass to go to a doctor and see about getting some help. I'm just so tired of fighting it on my own. I've been trying for over 10 years and it's just too much. I'm much better in some ways but still not where I need to be mentally. Even though my life is pretty good these stupid voices in my head won't leave me alone.

I'm also sick so that isn't helping. I caught a cold after Disney World (yeah I went there with family / fiance) and it was getting better ... until it got worse. Apparently it turned into an infection. I'm on antibiotics now. I'm sure most people with anxiety will tell you that when you're sick it just gets worse. Something about your body focusing on healing so your mental defenses are down? Idk. But it's happening.

I'm just happy I get to see my Internet friends in 2 weeks. I just hate that I've gained back some of the weight I lost. I was doing so well ugh.

I just need to do better. And I can do better.

I'm just so tired.