[142] I Only See You

by shadowsoul
Feeling: defeated

It's been a while since I've written.



I write that a lot, I find. But I don't think I'll ever be able to get back to my daily writing progress...whatever. I'll do it when I can and I'll like it. -_-



Anyway, things have been bittersweet. I'm gearing up for my wedding in just 8 weeks. That's probably why I haven't written because I've been too focused on the whole wedding thing. I need to get so much planned and there's just not enough time.


I'm thinking of making a secondary journal that's private so I can put my deepest darkest thoughts there...can you even still make an account on this website? I'll have to check into that.


Anyway, I've just been so stressed out. I'm a full time 4.0 student, planning my wedding, dealing with guy problems in more ways than one, and balancing several businesses / small projects. I'm overwhelmed but I can't stop because I'm gearing up for my future and I can't stop or I'll doom myself to failure.

I'm not proud to admit it, but I've started cutting again. I don't want to delve too much into that on here but it's a thing. And again, I'm not proud of it but it's soothing. I've been numb for most of this year and I can finally feel something again. I wish I made better choices when I was younger and didn't learn to soothe in such a self-destructive way but there's nothing I can do about that now.



I can only hope my mental state gets better.

Read 8 comments
big hugs. i hope things are much, much better for you these days. life can really double down on being overwhelming sometimes, but it usually swings back into goodness before long. i hope you've had many more good days than bad ones –but if things are still tough, then i hope that very good things are coming your way soon. we all deserve some time to just breathe. ❤️ cheers
Hey You! Thanks for stopping by and caring. I've been doing well the last years. I missed my soul asylum here quite often. And also the occasional users which apparently feel the same way. How are you? How was your wedding? Are the scars from cutting vanishing?

be well.
Oh it's just that timne of the year again.

Can't write a xmas crad so i just stop by here and wish you all the best. Hope you're doing fine.

-be well
Hey Michael,

was just slendering bye to ask how you're doing.

-be well
Hey Michael. I was wondering how's life going for you. Did you plan your wedding? How are your feelings? still the need of getting hurt?

-be well
Thank you both for your words :)
You can't make a new journal but you can make entries private.

And I'd like to offer that you can do something about your coping strategies. What was once learned can be unlearned. It's just really hard but if it's important to you just know it's a real functional possibility.

Be Well, and good luck with the planning!!
Hey there! Nice reading from you.
You really have a lot of stress these days, from what i can read. I never did that cutting thing, but i bite and gnaw my jaws. In January i did that so hard, that a tooth broke off. I cannot control or stop that. That is my way of working the stress out the doc says.
I think in this timeage, everybody is just running after the time and after silence or just an asylum to retreat to. Crazy with all that, what WE HAVE TO DO. I hope you will find a slower path in life and can manage to feel something without getting hurt (but living as a hubby can be painful too sometimes ;-)

-be well my friend and take care!