Affection. What does it mean? Why is it important? Is it important? Lets take a look. Me: I was born into a loving home. My parents were married 23 years ago and are still going strong. They love each other, and they show it each day by affection. And boy do they show it. This is the environment I grew up in. My parents give affection and lots of it. Naturally, I am the same way. Sara: Her parents have been together for about the same amount of time mine have. The problem is, they really don't love each other. Affection is almost never shown and when it is, it is greated with awkwardness and uncomfortableness. The only reason her parents haven't divorced is because they can't afford it, so I'm told. Consequently, Sara has learned and adopted this unfortunate way of being in relationships. She too feels that affection is uncomfortable and awkward. Because of this difference, it has opened a huge rift between us. I give affection freely and joyfully, while she withholds it and greets mine with indifference. It really pains me and saddens me that Sara was taught that. She disagrees with me when I say we need to do it often. I soundly disagree with her when she says that and I am firm in my belief that affection brings much joy into relationships. She keeps saying "why can't we do it the adult way?" Because, Sara, you have been taught that the adult way is to basically not do it. Your idea of the adult way is to rarely have physical contact. You really don't know what the healthy and beneficial adult way is. As cocky as it sounds, I do. My parents level and frequency of affection is extremely high. And you know what? They are extremely happy. When adults get married, affection is one of the most imortant things in their married life. It seems I have a hard time convincing her of that. So we can say that our levels of affection have been greatly shaped by our environment, as well as our parents. What is the ideal level of affection? Sara's parents don't show affection, and they don't really love each other. My parents show it like there's an endless supply (despite what Sara thinks. My parents show constraint when we have company) and they are one of the happiest couples I know of. So we can make the connection: Love + Lots of Affection = happiness My parents told me that if there is an incompatability in such an issue as this, If Sara can't meet the level of affection that I expect and know to be healthy and a bringer of much happiness, than I would be seriously depriving myself of many joyful experiences if we were to marry. Sara told me she was scared to show affection because of what she was taught. As I said, it's awkward for her. This is the reason she says we should do it less. That is why I disagree with her. She doesn't want to step out of her comfort zone. She seems to be oblivious as to how important it is. She says she knows, but she contradicts herself when she says we should do it less. Sara, I want so much to show you the joy and happiness that abundant affection brings into relationships. I can testify to you that it will bring us much closer together. It will strengthen our relationship and build our respect for one another. Please don't deprive yourself of such a wonderful and essential experience. Please throw out your doubts. Open your mind for just a second, and place in it the thought that maybe, just maybe, there is some truth to what I am saying. Please Sara, let me teach you, and prove to you that much affection will bring about the promises of joy and respect.