I figured out why I even created this journal in the first place. It's sort of like a way I deal with things that Sara has said or done, or has somehow caused me to ponder. I went to AutoZone around seven this evening to try to get an alternator for my car. Unfortunately, the money I transferred into my account hadn't cleared yet, so I went back home. When I arrived, my dad mentioned to me that Sara had called. When I asked what she wanted, he said she didn't say anything. Hmmmmm... Did she need to tell me something? Was it important? Did she need me for something? It was really starting to eat at me, so I just figured I'd track her down and ask. I called her dad, and he wasn't much help. He just told me that she went to Kirsten's and Natalie's houses to pick them up to go somewhere. I then called Kirsten's mom, and found out they were going ice skating. At this point, I had no idea what she wanted now. I had to go back to AutoZone, this time with cash. The ice rink was on the way, so I decided to stop by real quick and find out what she wanted. Bad mistake. I went inside and stood at the edge of the rink. When she saw me, her smile turned to a frown, and she came hesitantly over to me. Trying not to seem put off, I asked her what she wanted when she called me. This was her reply: "I was just going to tell you not to come over because we're having girl's night." She said as if I had just rudely interrupted their good time. Why couldn't she tell my dad that? He just would've relayed the message and then I would've known. She then proceeded to ask why the crap I would hunt her down just to ask her why she called. I really didn't have an answer. I wanted to know what she wanted, so I stopped by on the way into town to ask her. At the time it seemed like an okay idea, but looking back, I probably should've just gone straight to AutoZone and straight home. I asked her if she was mad at me, and she said she was a little annoyed. She thought it was stupid of me to track her down just to find out what she wanted, and I felt even worse when she told me. She then asked me why it was "every time" she went out, I hunted her down. By this time her friends were getting annoyed with me, which didn't help. I wanted to be gone a lot sooner, but now I was in the middle of a lecture of sorts. I'm really sorry I did that. I guess it is kind of silly to track someone down just to ask what they wanted. I really didn't mean to make her angry at me, or interrupt their fun. I feel like I just ruined their whole night. I felt rejected. I mean, my own girlfriend didn't want me there, and let me know it. I just had this vision of me standing at the edge of the rink, waiting for her to see me and when she did, she would smile and skate towards me with delight, pleased with this unexpected surprise. I guess that was too much to ask for. I don't really blame her. I was an idiot. I'm never doing that again.