Okay. I head is spinning. I got this stupid thing to write everything down thats going through my head so here goes: Mark moved today, but surprisingly, thats not the lowest point of my day. In fact, there really wasnt a low point today, because the same thing goes on with me everyday. I'm so tired of not being good at anything or having interests. If I can't make myself happy without having others around, then there is no point in trying to be happy at all. And i want to be happy, honestly. I'm tired of highschool. I've grown up. I'm not interested in social status, or drama, or who's dating who any longer. I'm interested in getting the fuck out of wherever I am and learning who Tayler is, because honestly, i have no clue. Lately, i've been talking to just about everyone i would have never talked to before. I'm sick of being self centered. Its great to have a converstation with someone i'm not trying deeply to impress with my knowledge of scenester bands, cult movies, clothing trends, hair styles, ect. I just want to talk to genuine people. Even more, i want to be a genuine person. I know a couple things about myself: I'm intelligent (enough), I'm compassionate, I'm insecure, I like being one on one with people, I like talking, I like relaxing, I like it when people like who i am, but i sure as hell dont know who i am. Figure me out, Please? Someone? Tell me why i cant draw, or write, or cry. Tell me why i say stupid things when im confused, and why i shut down when im upset. Tell me why i cant push myself to be who i want to be, and most of all, tell me what i can do to make myself happy. Thats all i want really. And after i figure out how to make myself happy, i want to figure out how to make others happy. Especially people like Mark, who are genuinely good to me, and tolerate my bitchyness, and people like claire, who love me even if i'm not part of the clique that i used to be in( and really want to stay in), or people like Dani, girls i used to talk bad about but still want to be my friends. I'm sick of bitching off. This helped. I might do this often.