Life. Such a strange concept. When people think of Life, they think about the future. However, the most important part of Life, could be the past. To a young, scared, mentally exhausted girl such as myself, the future seems terrifying. The thought of change and struggles and independence is something that I'd rather just skip. I want to seek comfort in the past, but I forget that the past isn't all that great. My whole life, I've only thought of the future and what I want for myself. These goals seem so far fetched to me now. Infact, I can't even imagine being half of the successful, happy person I want to be. The truth is I've failed. I've failed at everything I've ever attempted. I can't even get through a day of school without becoming terribly upset. Usually, these fits of despair are brought on by the tiniest things. I just can't function any more. I need some help, but I really don't have any support. I keep trying to seek help in the wrong places. I've developed a little dependency on hydrocodone, and I KNOW that it can only make matters worse. I say things that I know I shouldn't and I isolate myself when I feel uncomfortable. It just seems like nobody wants to help me or listen to me, which is true. I realize I'm a whiny girl. I realize I'm pathetic. I just don't know how to help myself. Maybe writing will help. Maybe becoming involved in something musical will help. I just need to feel needed. I need to be so engaged in an activity that it rids my mind of silly, upsetting ideas. I'm going to work on it. I'm going to strive for the best. Wish me luck.