I need to change. My social life is a joke. I have people I'm friends with and that I hang out with, but I am ridiculous. I do things I normally wouldn't do, I treat every boy I encounter like I'm madly in love with them. I'm the queen of leading people on. I need something solid. Aside from that, I've been thinking about my dad alot. He hurt everyone. He's made it hard on everyone. I love him soo much, still though. He's my dad, I wish he was here to take care of me and actually BE a father. I'm scared I'm going to turn out like him. I need someone to rub my back and tell me that I didn't get the bad genes, that I'm not going to destroy my family, that I'll grow to be RESPONSIBLE and never decieve or hurt people like he did. We're so goddamn similar though. We are both charismatic, outgoing people, we're good at getting our way, and getting around the rules. I've never settled for hard work, I've always tried to find short cuts. I don't want to be that anymore. Also, my bullimia is taking a turn for the worse. I was doing so much better. I was eating healthy and not worrying so much. Then, drama with Mark, ect, caused me to freak out. I felt worthless and unstable. I've gone from puking maybe twice a weak, to puking 7-8 times a day. I feel bad when I have a sip of soda, and my stomach can't keep anything down. I need something constant. My life isn't a mess, but sometimes it sure as hell feels like it is. PS: I quit smoking. It feels nice. PPS: My hair is bright red