Tonight, Eric came over and watched Team America and Detroit Rock City with me. He looks so much older since I last saw him, even though its only been a matter of days. He's so great, a really amazing guy. However, I feel like i have a void. I want someone to cuddle with me and to show a little bit of compassion. Eric isn't a very cuddly boy. He doesn't snuggle, even when i try to get all close and cute with him. He doesn't give little periodic kisses, or rub my back or put his fingers in my hair. He is not right for me, it isn't right of me to try to make him right for me. I just feel a little bit incomplete. Hopefully, I'll soon find someone to fill this stupid space i have in my heart. A quick change of subject, I think I'm really going to like NCHS even though its totally different from Carmel. Kids are really friendly and my teachers seem really laid back. My English teacher, Mr. Coleman, is amazing. When he talks about literature or life, I'm captivated. I want to listen to him talk all day and learn to participate in such intellectual activity as he can. I'm reading two books currently, and they're both amazing, Catcher in the Rye and Blue Like Jazz. I really like reading. I want to do it all day and night, then learn how to write my own book and pour my own thoughts into it. There is so much I want to learn and do, ,lately. Everyone at my new school is pretty nice to me. Sometimes, boys will say things to me that kind of embarass me. Random boys in my classes hug me when they see me in the halls, or wave at me, or ask for my number, ect. I dont know, its just wierd. Everyone is really interested in helping the new girl, mainly because they know I'm impressionable at this point and they could have an opportunity to create a new "mini-them". However, I really like my own personality. Its original and determined and inspired by so much. I'm learning to love life. But I also want to be in love. I have a feeling I'll find him, soon, but I probably won't be right. I want to help people. I'm tired of only helping Me Me Me. I think that if i concentrate less on myself and more on others, then I will be much happier. I'm sure someone in the world was created especially to take care of me, and there is a certain person out there that I was made to especially help them. I feel a little blank. I want something amazing. I want to feel something great in my heart all the time and never feel like my chest is deteriorating from a strong diamond into weak, broken pieces of sand. Mr. Coleman had a quote in his room I really adored today.I think its from a play called Equus, so I think i might read it. This quote really resembles how my heart is feeling. I'm searching for a passion. I'm envious of, but intrigued by passion people have, either for their religion, for a hobby, or a romantic type of passion. I'm just lacking it all together. "But that boy has known a passion more ferocious than I have ever felt in any second of my life. And let me tell you something,I envy it."