Hallo, How you doing? Im fine i guess but for some inexplicable reason im really quite happy. Don't ask me why, nothing has happened to make me so. In fact my day today was rather remarkably unremarkable - even by my standards - the only thing that i have going on at the moment is this slice of banana cake with chocolate-chip icing sitting next to me glistening deliciously. Yum, il get to that later. So, what happened during the course of my incredibly boring day? Well i managed to sleep til lunchtime which i consider quite a feat with my entire family conspiring to wake me up early every single morning with unnecessary questions and requests. I may have been dreaming of waffles (i dunno coz i never remember my dreams), but i am rather partial to waffles and would like to imagine that i dreamt of them. Funny actually that they should be mentioned coz we did in fact spend a good portion of last night making them for zeb. Gosh! Moving on i still haven't checked my emails yet, not that i expect to discover anything particularly exciting or relevant when i actually do - for i rarely ever receive personal emails - but then again i can always hope... I applied for a job yesterday at a video store - the end result of months of trawling through the ads in jobstuff and sjs, im ever hopeful as money really does seem to make the world go round and my personal stash has long since lost momentum and is starting to slide backwards into oblivion. Thinking of yesterday, it was actually much more interesting and involved than today a day spent in idle contemplation. It would be a shame not to write about it. Yesterday afternoon i managed to fall asleep in central library in a beanbag whilst listening to a harry potter audiobook of wendys before the other two showed up and we went shopping for alyssas birthday present. 'People' say that its the thought that counts when giving somebody a present... and so logically speaking OUR gifts must be incredible, based soley on the fact that we spent three hours mulling over them at the mall. I forget what we have bought her exactly but i do remember that there may have been a couple of self-congratulatory coffees involved afterwards. Heh. COFFEE!! Sometime later we got together and made an appalingly girly card out of luv hearts and flowers and unicorns and whatnot, and according to calebs sister i have incredibly girly writing. Then we made waffles, they were magnificent. ...time for a little cake i think... Anyway, this afternoon i realised that what scares me most, what bothers me and occasionally sends me spiralling down into depression and despair - is this. That one morning ill wake up and find that all my contemplation and under-contemplation, actions and inactions were for nothing. I am scared that all the choices i am making are hideously wrong or will have a lot less meaning because i SHOULD be choosing something else.... Its a right bastard of a thing**. So anyway Im thinking now that all i can really do is have a little faith in myself and my abilites for rational thought. Anyone have any idea what im going on about here? Or are you all wondering quietly to yourself which mind-bending drugs im on? Does this cake have hallucinogenic properties? IF so i want more! Meh.... it is something to consider at the very least (not the drugs). For now i fear i have overstayed my welcome. Yours with considerable Joy and mild delerium, Tom ------ edit. ** also (while im at it admitting my fears) i think im afraid of the dark a lil, well not the dark as such... but mayb a combination of things that happens at night. Darkness, wind, doors creaking, the house settling stuff like that really gets my blood flowing- especially when im home alone, or the only one awake at night (and i do often feel im alone even when everybody else is home coz there are just so many places to hide). But... as i say to many things. Meh