"You can fall for pretty strangers and the promises they hold." "And all I do is miss you , and the way we used to be. And all I do is keep the beat and bad company"

Work It Harder Make It Better Do It Faster Makes Us stronger More Than Ever Hour After Our Work Is Never Over " Yes dear I will take your shift "

I miss that feeling , loss of infatuation . Whats happening in the brain ? Where have you gone to ? " no amount of coffee, no amount of crying , no amount of whiskey , no amount of wine no no no no no nothing else will do"

You have no idea.

So I have come back . How I have fallen in love with the whole routine of musicamp. what an emotional week John made us cry like mad , Jenna must have hugged me a thousand time during our last day at Camp. After spending 8 days straight with the same girls ... its kindof a loss to leave . I am going to miss Brownie, Tiger , Trump and Stash and definatly Jenna , Karen ,John , Emily and Devin. On the other hand I am so glad to be home back to soft beds and civilization. Musicamp should be called musicprison ... honestly no freedom .. unless you rebel and risk the chance of getting sent home .. which we did .. haha . I love you burgling music . indeed

So I have been a bit of a music junkie lately .. infact thats pretty much all I have been . I woke up at 10 am camp downstairs got some cereal and watched the doodlebops , because thats all I have the brain capacity for . The I went back to sleep and got up at one all set to start the laundry. I miss Melby ..when he gets back and I will be gone :( Jenn is unreachable because of her poor mouth .. poor muffin , she will probably read this so if I don't talk to you before I leave GOODBYE I LOVE YOU! Yesterday I went out with Tessa and we shopped at all the lame stores in chinook , then we met up with Nic and went and saw the simpsons movie ... I liked it .. I laughed and thats what counts. Well Muchly loved !

Well Folk fest was fun ! I could tell you all about it but I am too lazy . Needless to say I smoked way too much in the past couple days. Last night I went out with "get ready " .. good times good times . Worked tonight . So here is the list of things to do . 1) Wednesday - Go shopping with Tessa , find somone to play this flippin song for me, go out ? 2) Thursday - LAUNDRY!!! buy phone minutes, Work . 3) Friday- pack , sing, call people , Leave. Saturday - Red Deer / Sylvan lake Sunday - Drop off at Camp. ... ..... .. And I get home sometime on the 11th . " You can't know oh no you can't know how much I think about you Lookin at you and your lookin at me and we both know what we want "

Folk fest finally I have been saved by a week of workless music . Nothing but music ! I am so happy . HAPPY BIRTHDAY CODY ! THANKS DID YOU GET BLUE NAPKINS NO... STEEEVVEE!!! Oh how I adore yelling across the resteraunt at my little family of co-workers. (sigh) "we used to have different coloured napkins for diffrent coloured days " DIFFERENT COLORED DAYS!!

We went to Edmonton today Jenn, Tessa and I. What an interesting place.. we went to their half ass version of the stampede they call it " Capital Expo". Which made me wonder "why exactly is Edmonton the capital of Alberta?" No offence but Calgary is bigger , the Calgary stampede is well known thoughout the world. What does Edmonton have ? weell a mall.... and their version of 17th ave called "whyte ave" hahaha . And another thing you should see how SLOW these people walk .. and I thought Calgary was bad.. These people need to learn how to work the traffic. Now this brings me to another point ... I didn't see one pretty girls at this "expo" SOO in conclusion I live in a fast city with hott people that should be the capital of Alberta. Overall I had fun tho ! I love you guys !

Sleeping is soo difficult ! It is so hot , I was up till 4am it was just too hot. My mom bought me a fan but that doesn't help its soo noisy . Work is lame no one can take my sunday shifts sooo I am just gunna call in .. again . August 3rd I am leaving and I will be gone till the 12th. I am accually excited I miss music .. I miss all that shit that goes along with it. I miss Jazz choir ! I miss Simone, Dwila , Alora , Rachel , Calvin , Logan , Patty, and Jessica.. I miss them all . Summer is soo long . I love it and hate it at the same time. I love you guys

HMmmmmMM Well Last night I went to work .. Nothing to exciting happened , it was pretty average. Nic is trying to get me a job at urban ... i am still considering it. Today is very dull , I need to go deposit my paycheck . Its really nice out today .

Last night was very blurry I am so glad I didn't get called in this morning . So last night I met up with People, we . We drank and talked at the train station . The we went downtown looking for a liquor store ... we went to this bar and then headed down to the grounds . Ethan and I paid to get in and the others snuck in . It was almost 10:30 at this point so we walked around for a bit. We had a bit of fun in the stampede market . We went to this spot beside the grandstand show to watch the fireworks .. they were really good. and our friends disapeared and he and I talked and Talked. Afterwards we went to find a washroom and then we walked through. Split up with out friends and .He and I met up with so many people. We ended up at Cafe Ice ...... Got even more drunk then went to catch the train and that was pretty funny ... Talked to alot of random people. Overall it was good good . I suppose

What is going on here ? Why do people do such stupid things? Even when it seems like the perfect thing to do at the time . Now I am the secret holder. Holding it from everyone else. Go ahead continue to hurt people honey its the only thing your really good at. You’re gone The trees are so quiet When your hand was in my pocket How they swayed from side to side Now the meddling sky And my snowy eye Sees a different night Sees a different night The night I fell into the lion’s jaws To my regret And your delight Those teeth themselves could not divine Nor their pressure estimate The haze I wish to never break And to never contemplate Momentum For the sake Of momentum Momentum For the sake Of momentum Of momentum

I hung out with Tessa today . I like her . On another topic.. so much party and it is starting to catch up with me . Too much time to think . That is all. Who do you think you are .. why can'y you back off for fuck sakes!?

Ohhhh yeeaaa ! So much has been happening since the last time I wrote ... lets start with last night . Last night I worked I finished at 11:15 and it was possibly the busiest night in the history of stage west. Then Justin and Jenn came and picked me up and we went to Anouks party ... We got there and Justin and I went on the search for the booze. We stole some from Anouks moms confiscated pile. I remember walking alot and Nic was very angry and kept on trying to pick a fight with Justin .. I don't know why .. something to do with a pizza? Eventually I got to Jenns and sneaked into the house. Slept and when I woke up realized I had lost a shoe and my inhailer .. haha good one. Jenns mom was all good with me being there so Jenn and I made Chai and watched friends. Apparently I am Rachel and I have the whole Ross and Joey situation .. Anyhow ... I have to go but some shoes cause ..I need some .

Take me away from this ... I am done with the drama ... It doesn't need to belong to me ... Lets just get away from here ... "christ you know it ain't easy you know how hard it can be the way things are going their gunna crucify me "

So I am having one of those days where it doesn't feel like just one day . I woke up at 5 am and met Nic at the shoppers drug mart we walked to the school feild and watched the sun rise.... Well... we watched most of it rise because it was flipping cold! We went back to his house and went back to bed ( Bunk Beds) tee hee . He tried to put the moves on me .... " NO NIC! " hahaha . We woke up again at 8:30 and got ready to go out for breakfast with Jenn, Justin , Tessa and Kristen. We drove to Nellies and ate breakfast mmMMmm.. Afterwards we went to Mega Tunes and American Apparel ... yet again. Then We had a little driving adventure with Justin and Tessa.. " Tessa are you scared ?" ".... yes" " GREAT!" haha. Finnally we went to school ( for my one class ) we watched the film studies movie and I am SOOO TIRED .. but I have to work tonight Joy! Love you guuyysshh. "We're so helpless We're slaves to our impulses We're afraid of our emotions"

So here I am . Somewhat lonesome.. Everything it moving very quickly , however I am still stuck in a dull spot. Everything is all laid out in front of me and I am not looking forward to anything. All I see is a straight line. No bumps nothing unusual. If everything is so simple then why is it I am complaining ? I am complaining that I have nothing .... to ..... look forward to ? . I think I am bored , bored with life in general . Don't get me wrong I do things that I love .. but I am still filled with discontent. I need to get out and do something crazy ... something different ... I need my fix of rebel. " I want to be a lion Everybody wants to pass as cats We all want to be big big stars, but we got different reasons for that .Believe in me because I don't believe in anything and I want to be someone to believe Mr. Jones and me stumbling through the barrio Yeah we stare at the beautiful women "She's perfect for you, Man, there's got to be somebody for me." I want to be Bob Dylan Mr. Jones wishes he was someone just a little more funky When everybody loves you, son, that's just about as funky as you can be"

If I am lost for a day; try and find me But if I don't come back, then I won't look behind me All of the things that I thought were so easy just got harder and harder each day December is the darkest and June is the light but this empty bedroom won't make anything right While out on the landing a friend I forgot to send home Who waits up for me all through the night Calendar girl whos in love with the world Stay alive Calendar Girl whos in love with the world Stay alive I dreamed I was dying; as I so often do And when I awoke I was sure it was true I ran to the window; threw my head to the sky And said whoever is up there,please don't let me die But I can't live forever,I can't always breath One day I'll be sand on a beach by a sea The pages keep turning, I'll mark off each day with a cross And I'll laugh about all that we've lost Calendar Girl who is lost to the world Stay Alive Calendar Girl who is lost to the world Stay Alive January,February,March,April,May I'm alive June,July,August,September,October I'm alive November,December,yah all through the winter, I'm alive I'm alive

So new things .. I chopped off all my hair .. I thought it would be a good idea.. It wasn't . Ladies and gentlemen never try to cut your own hair . Anyways my friends convinced me that its not so bad. You know what I think is interesting how people can think that you like them so much when you are trying to hint that you dont. What else .. School I am such a slacker . For example yesterday in German Jenn and I played Chess all class. In musical theatre I did absolutly nothing but talk . In chamber choir I layed down in the choir room and sang . In science I slept the whole class . I have lost all motivation . i am so bored . It is soo close to summer and I cn't concentrate on anything ! Anyways my weekend consists of Work Tonight 5:30-11 Tommorow 5:30-11 Saturday : 5:30-11 Sunday 9:30 - 3 well love you all ... ish .