God damn it. I'm starting to not trust anybody at all. Like no one. Except Robert. I hate everyone else. In one way or another. Except Robert. And Mr.Levin. And maybbbeee Jordi. Well of course Jordi. But that gurl is a crazy bitch lol. But i don't hate her. So I don't hate Jordi or Robert. or Melissa. She's pretty cool. She's kinda cute when you think about it too hahaha. But she's Lindsays BFF or some shit. Then of ourse peter and Brandon. but really, what's to trust? I love them to death. They are familly. But me and Brandi were still together and he was hitting on her. The same day we broke up he asked if I would be pissed if he hooked up with her. and Brandon. Little sex machine or what? Disgusting. Like revolting. I'm apparently sex-illiterate according to recent events. which is the way I fucking like it. So where the fuck are my friends. i see None. At all. So Erica never calls anymore. i'm trying to get together with Madi as much as i can. hannah doesn't call me. Cherrisse doesn't call me. Mike always bails on me. Dan doesn't call me. i don't normally chill with Dylan. Brandon's having sex. Peter's job hunting. Robert's at UCSB. Jo's in Vegas. Fuck me. Jade doesn't call me, i have to call her I guess. i don't see Jeremy unless i run into him. Aaron's in the Marine core. Sohails in the Marine core. Who else? I would hang out with Melissa, but she's with Lindsay. I don't even wanna see the Plus crew. I ignore Josh's calls. I'd chill with Katie if she called, but honestly because I wanna get to know Brea. Max doesn't live around here. Max D. is just to Emo to be good for anyone. Matt Dibbel, more of an aquantance. GARRETT. WHEre THE fUCK IS GARRETT. No one knows. we try then fail. i love hanging out with him. That's the plan. After sunday night, I'm calling Garrett, fuck yes. a plan. And I gotta see Superman with Madi. Fun fun fun. Not being able to drive is a bittcchhh. omg it's lame. But walking home at night is way fucking fun. i love it. So I've been looking at tattoos I want. Man I need to turn 18. I want a calf piece. Just plain. Then both wrists. Then a collar. Then depending how life progresses, maybe a shoulder to a neck to a sleeve. that'd be divine. oooof a neck piee under my chin. Like a jaw. Ooooh that'd be bomb ass pussy. oooh oooh i need to re-pierce my ears, so i can stretch them before school. Cuz after pratice I need it to heal, before the next practice. And I wanna get my lip pierced. Snakebites for sure. But my rents won't go along with that. So either i convince them that I'm jiust gonna do it when I'm 18 anyway, wait till I'm 18, or just do it and fight them everyday and not take them out. it's just a matter of time before i get it done. "but you'll have little scars..." well fuck the scars like I give a shit. And I neeed to stretch my eeeaarrssss....that's just a matter of time too. I'm gonna pierce them, then slowly stretch it, so my rents don't notice. But basically my life is being a rat bastard. I'm not over it yet, and it's driving me crazy, why am i not over it, nothing ever even happened? UGH. Stuuuupppiidddd. I don't know what I want. Do i even want a girlfriend? Do I even wanna date? Do I even care? Should i care? Should I go to church on sunday. I wanna. Just to say what's up. Say hi, then leave for another year. My church, or old church, is so scene it's not funny. So don't laugh. it's almost ridiculous. that's why I wanna go. Ok, i gotta go, plus i'm too frustrated to type. Time to call jo. Night. XXX