i have a secret i'm dying to tell you.

school's out for 2 weeks. i'm trying to make conversaton here. i'm not very good at that, though. i need to pick myself up... but i just feel so drained. to get outta the gutter, you gotta stand up... but my legs feel so weak.

i think i'll probably delete this later. right now, it's a cry for help. soon i'll look back and pity myself. i'm tired of boy; it was a lie that never really lived. maybe that's why. i knew it wouldn't last, though.

i wrote so much back then... inspiring words, i thought, but nobody really took any notice. some did, mind. they made me feel special. but now, it doesn't seem to matter. i feel like a hypocrite. comparing myself to a month ago (#14:"times will...")... i just feel ashamed of myself. i'm starting counselling again; at school, and at home. the school thing was really crappy, but there's a new counseller. i didn't like my therapist last time, but i've heard of a pleasant-sounding teen help place. i wanna see my doctor, too. i've been diagnosed with depression (among other things), but it'd be nice to know there's a reason i'm feeling eveything else. i wrote down how i'd characterise myself, yesterday or the day before. i doun't remember. i never did have a good memory, but this is just getting unbearable. i can bearly remember an 3 hours ago. is that normal?