I asked her (her always seems to be my mother) once, a smililar question to that, and she laughed at me. Ah, she's taught me so very much.

Mother

She was self-admitted to an institute for the emotionally unstable. Soon, the self-admittance became a "wecantletyougo". Sometime here, she attempted suicide; pills, i think. Me & my brothers (B wasn't born yet) stayed at my granny's house. I'm not sure what followed, because it's all fuzzy and hazy.

There was something after F when we all took a 6-or-so-month trip (with the intention of staying) to K, 3 months she met a guy named J on the internet. I remember her demonstrating how big his "cock" was roumered to be in ASDA (shopping place), with a french breakstick to her mouth.

When we got back, she started on the fetish scene; S/M, B&D, etc. She met G, a coke addict, but he was cool, i liked the smell of his place. After that was another fella, with long hair, although i think he may have come before G, i don't remember. During G she met alan, whose name doesn not deserve capatilisation, like mine, and they hit it off. They "split-up" again last night, for similar reasons as his last woman. I do loathe relationship ownership.

Sometime in the last year, while i was still fucking mic (most-recent) and dreaming of love, i came home to my granny, who was holding little suicides notes to us all. Bob 'n' B's were badly written poetry that meant nothing to them, but mine and kyle's were different and personal. I think. I don't really remember mine, and i don't know what was on k's. She'd taken some pills; afterwards, she told us how alan had come to her rescue, but later still, she told me she'd phoned him.

She didn't even have the decency to kill herself completely. That's all i felt when i heard the notes and the feelings were meaningless. I think, that was one of the days when she died again to me. After every death, i patch myself up and allow the skin to grow back, over time, slowly but surely. Eventually, i think there'll just be too many scratches across my wound, and all the blood will come gushing out. Meh. All in Time.