0901-03-03-05

!!-This text should be read In conjunction with [chrissyrant2].

Yesterday I watched Saw. My mother sat beside me, while her newest appendage sat across the room in a chair.

I'm still trying to see positive things in her relationship with this guy. He talked to Kris, a friend of my brother Kyle's, but I don't like Kris. Perhaps they share similar character traits? He accompanies my mother, and gives her someone to talk to. Plus, he's a video lamer, so Bob (my other, younger brother) has a stream of games to keep him stimulated. Bob, however, is a game addict. I'm not sure what he has to offer Kyle (the older younger brother), and the most recent interaction with my youngest sibling, my sister BJ, has been his flat-tone groaning into the microphone of her karaoke system. I suppose this is supposed to be an effort on his part. Personally, I felt that my effort was a little more enthusiastic: I purchased her first CD with on-screen lyrics (since she had a karoake system that can display lyrics, but no CDs with lyric printing capabilities), and a second microphone so that her and I, as well as her & her friends, could sing together. I think, though, that this effort of his is matched closely by her own father' efforts (she has a different father to my 2 brothers and me).

He cooks dinner. But then, what else does he have to do? If he's not cooking, then he's watching television while eating candy. He interacts with the pets (but who wouldn't?).

So, this guy is simply another guy. He is not a role model: he doesn't do anything to be one. He just sits around. He's like one of those really shitty action figures: the ones that might be cool if their arms and legs would bend, but instead remain without pivot points allowing for movement, and so stay motionless. BJ (9) has her own father, as do Bob (13) and I (18). Kyle has chosen not to see his father, so the choice to deny a male role model is his own. Despite this, though, my mother honestly believes that he is, in fact, a role model. I'm sorry, I'm misquoting. She believes him to be a father figure. When she said this to me, I wasn't sure whether to laugh at her good use of humour, or commend her ignorant persistence.

Ah, frequent were the stories of his childhood exploits of other people, as he bullied other races and rose to the top of the food chain in his schools. His anxiety problems are, reportedly, solved by urinating on other people's belongings, or by other such crude and irrational methods. Certainly, he can be civil, but who out of the human population not suffering from some variation of mental illness or disorder can't be?

One day, my mother and I had an argument. Actually, we have argued on many days, but I will mention in any detail only one. I don't remember what exactly the argument was about, and I doubt she does either, but the concerns are unimportant. As the argument's intensity increased, as did our voice levels, and agitation. Eventually I grew enormously frustrated with her disappointing ignorance, and spoke whatever was on my mind. Just as she'd been doing to me, I spoke to her as though she was simply a person, not a direct genetic partner. Again, I do not remember what I said. Alan jumped up and screamed at me: "how dare you speak to your mother like that". When I, stunned at this outburst of supposedly 'fatherlike' behaviour, could only gape in astonishment, her continued with: "not so tough now are you?" I replied, still astonished that he was even less of a man that I had previously though (or, at least, than how my mother had made out), "I will never respect you again". I was still amazed that my mother could pick such a pathetic being. I mean, I thought I was weak when I threw my stereo across the room because the playback was bad, but this was a whole new level to me. I'd never realised I was on the same level as that stereo.

Perhaps if he utilises any good methods of parenting and/or discipline, I may respect him. Due to my poor memory, bad ability to hold grudges and ever-shifting moods, this respect is actually possible. Or even if he just tried to discover methods. But he simply doesn't. The most conversation I see between them is a seesaw of insults between them. I can't help but ask myself, is this love? Is this how I should treat my girlfriend, fiance or wife??

On Monday, he decided to shout at me to stop "stomping up those stairs", as I trod up the jagged hill in my usual manner. Quite simply an attempt at excreting power. He doesn't have power, nor does he have authority.

Normally, people gain power through either strict discipline, or by earning respect. The Newest is now attempting to gain power through the former of these two. Before this, though, he had power through my mother. If there were any question directed to her that could also be asked to this accomplice, then she would reflect it in his direction. This could have been seen as an attempt as introducing him into the family household, but only serves to make me (and perhaps my siblings) resent this character even more, since not only do I not care for his unnecessary and irrelevant contribution, it's also immensely frustrating to be batted back and forth between any two people. Also immensely annoying is the imposition of new rules that are defended, yet not actually stated until they've been broken.

I am often frustrated at myself for not being able to remember many things. When asked how the newest player in my mother's life treats the main star, I can put forward an opinion, yet cannot remember any instances of his behaviour to back it up. Thankfully, though, my long-term friend (Katie, 18) can recall instances that I have not committed to memory. In many cases, she tells me things I hadn't even noticed or processed myself. For instance, to get my mother's attention, I'd noticed that he often grunts a simple 'oi'. Katie noticed that he hits her also: when she performed this aggressive action on me (to demonstrate her point), I became instantly stressed and defensive. She told me that she wasn't exaggerating. I realised that she was right; I could remember times when he had, in fact, hit my mother to get her attention. As mentioned, such an act is sure to produce stress in another person. I know Katie's insights are valuable not only because she's a good friend of mine, but also because my mother rather likes her, as do other members of my family, and my siblings. Back to the points: actions, including and like the one given as an example, can then explain my mother's edginess and generally stressed out manner.

REMINDER: This text should be read In conjunction with [chrissyrant2].