afraid to feel what i've never felt. afraid to feel this because i dont want it taken away. i dont want to feel how i felt before. i dont want to lose myself again. i'm becoming ok. i'm feeling better, it's all because of you. why can i not tell you this? this is meaningless, to think of the future, how can anything last? we are so complex how could we be evolved? did this all come to be for a reason...or is god laughing at our ignorance. or is god just as small as an atom, wishing to dissapear forever. or is god from my imagination, our imagination, and we're just wishing for some form of security. i'm afraid to die. are you afraid to die? i dont want to hurt after you leave. i dont want to get old. who makes these rules of age? i'll pretend there never was change and i wont believe what they say in the history books because they lied before....they might lie again. christopher columbus was really a shitty guy...and we were told he was cool as beans in elementary, so when is it the truth? or are they still lying to me? i mean...what the fuck?! the Bhor model doesnt fucking work!!!! -amanda