through all of this i am learning who really does care about me. i'm learning that my parents have learned to let me deal with things by myself. (and will pay for therapy) and i learned that without marissa i would not be here. because she is the only person i will ALWAYS love, no matter what. and i learned how much more i even hate HER. she never knows what to say. she thinks she helps. she doesn't. and i learned that people who you think barely know you, can be great friends. and there's just like some people i really wanna thank for helping me out through some of this... •MARISSA!!! i'm sorry and i didn't mean to make you cry today. stop worrying so much about me. i love you. •Brooke •Keshara •Lauren h (for the hug today) •michael (for caring enough to ask but then not asking anymore when i said i didn't feel like talking about it) •brett •zach (for teaching me that nobody is perfect. and that i need to stop being so gullible.) •megan (just for being an awesome person to talk to) •reem (for relating so much) •skylar (for being an awesome big buddy!!! *and stalker, lol* i love that boy!) •nate-thaniel (last night i read all of our old emails and remembered what a great listener you are and how much i trust you. i can't wait to see you again so i can give you a HUGE hug) and last, but most definitely not least, justin. because he is seriously the most awesome boy i know. i would say person i know, but i have to keep marissa at number one. (we've been best friends since kindergarten, i need her more than anyone in the world.) but anyway, about justin. thank you for all the notes and the cd and they made me a lot happier. even if i was still crying, i was smiling inside. ever since i first started talking to you i've been a lot happier. i think i started feeling terrible again once i started liking zach and felt bad for doing that to you. and i really need to hang out with you because you put me in a great mood and i love you!!!!!!!!! ok well now that everything's been said...i'm noticing something. 2 of my best friends are not on this list of people i'm thanking. the 2 people (besides marissa) that i do EVERYTHING with. and i have reasons for not putting them on this list. but that's another story. so now i have homework. so i'm going to go. oh. and i saw him. i know he saw me. but he didn't say anything. good. because he's a loser anyway. i think that feeling i got when i thought about him wasn't love, it was sickness. hate. the knowing that he was a liar. but i didn't want to believe it when i once thought that was what the feeling was...i thought he was perfect. but he's far from it.