I just had a dream that I was in high school and I was at Brians house with the high school version of Michelle. We were broken up already and I was having a hard time being there so I went to smoke a cig. I came back in (cig still in hand) to find him making out with Michelle... Well, I burnt his face and knocked the hell outta him. Really got some good hits on him. WTF? We have been done and over with for a month now, why am I having this dream now????? who knows. B

I quit. Cold turkey. I wont touch the stuff ever again. It seeps into my viens and burns my heart. The needle pricks and prods. I quit. Cold turkey. The feeling I get, it's not worth. The isolation I attempt, it's not sane. It paralizes my body and my mind. I cant even write. I quit. Cold turkey. The fight never ends. It's constant. It's done. I am addicted. Infatuated. I quit. Cold turkey. I knew the whole time you would chunk me into this hole. Who do you think you are? You must be so powerful. I quit. Cold turkey. I wont touch the stuff again. Never again will I love...... I wont touch that stuff again.

It MUST be ending .... I'm updating. There really isn't much thats new to write about in here, though. 1) Brian and I broke up. 2) Brian and I got back together. 3) Michelle and I aren't moving in together. 4) After this semester, I am transfering to Cy-fair College and then I am getting a place near by my mothers house. 5) Oh and by then, Levi will have already started pre-K. that's about it folks. for now, anyway.

hope you enjoy! Oh, and....ugh.... but this one is for all who love me... Have my funeral planned and ready to go, since we know its coming and all! ;) B

I have an addiction. I can not stop. I have tried countless times to leave it alone, but I cant. I'm hooked. On MySpace. I'm sorry. I know some of you feel betrayed...and you should. I have cheated, decieved and lied to you. Please forgive me. ;) B

OVER IT! There is just one thing you can't do with children. And that is have the last word. I could go on to say what I am REALLY feeling right now...but seeing as how my godson is bi-racial, I really should just pray about it and leave it alone. But I don't see any WHITE or HISPANIC folks asking me for money "To get back to the shelter", claiming to be from New Orleans, with a Texas plate and a Texas twang. Nor do I see any other "ghetto queens", besides myself...cussing on my diary for asking a stupid ass question and then getting all mad because someone gave them a stupid ass answer. So easy to pop off at the mouth, I see. And we wonder why the stereo type is still around....no one likes a smart mouth little girl who claims to be a diva. No matter what color her skin is....but A LOT of people always have it in the back of their minds....fucking *enter very ugly misused word here*....is what most people think when approached with these dilemmas. I guess I AM only human. Just for ME: Please forgive me Lord, for I have sinned. I don't like the angry feelings swimming through my heart and I ask that you take them from me. I give them to you Lord. Please soften my heart and give me the strength to know that those feelings are wrong and we are all YOUR children. And they are gone. B

I guess little Miss Teen America must be doing great in English class. The future of the world is in jeopardy. With kids like these, who needs Bin Laden? ;) B

This is the picture I took yesterday at the pat green concert (which is now available to any pat green fan on the internet). See? You're thinking ___?___.... However, this is what I see.... And the one in the stripper outfit with the flames on them is who I am ganna feel like tomorrow at work. Yeah....shake ya ass. Whoa WATCH yourself. :{ B

So if I ever wanted a song to describe what this man has done to me, this is it. Word for every fucking word. And now, it's got me allllll fucked up in my heart. If you read this and you actually care, read the whole thing.... if you don't care, then just take me off your list if I am on there. But please, no comments...thanks. Miss me baby When you hear our favorite song, Miss me baby And when you start to sing along Think about all the times that we danced In moonlight to it all night long, oh Then miss me baby. And want me honey, Like you did the night you told me that you loved me We couldn't wait anymore. Left the keys in the door, took my hand Pulled me down on the kitchen floor. Yeah, we were that crazy Then miss me baby. Chorus: Because when he's holding you, Know that it's killing me, Let my memory be the reason girl That you can't sleep And every time you feel his touch, I pray to God it's not enough And that I've touched your heart so deep Girl, you can't shake me Cause I love you, Yes I need you, Miss me baby. Miss me baby, Until you can't take it no more Miss me baby Pack your bags and hit the door I'm a man, I was wrong, forgive me Come back home I'll be waiting Right here waiting Miss me baby. Chorus: Because when he's holding you, Know that it's killing me, Let my memory be the reason girl That you can't sleep And every time you feel his touch, I pray to God it's not enough And that I've touched your heart so deep Girl, you can't shake me Cause I love you, Yes I need you, Miss me baby. Every time you hear this song, Miss me baby...

I'm still alive.... just making sure you all knew that before you assumed me dead. Sam, you suck big butt for getting your tat without me...It's called will power you whore! Still love you though. B

That's it...I give up. I think I am throwing in the towel. It just seems that everytime I start to think "maybe this won't be so bad" the dating scene gets worse and worse. IT SUCKS ASS! And I would like to think that Jared is what God has planned for me...but in all reality...I think he is trying to close that door...but which one is opening. Am I looking to hard? WTF> I think I am just going to stop waisting the money I spend going out and save it, and then me and the kid are going on a cruise for my birday. Watch out folks...Brandy might not come back! I swear! I am just ganna gain 50 lbs and LEARN how to take ALL KINDS of shit from a male, and then maybe I might just be desirable to the male species. Oh and learn to cook and clean like nobodys business....yeah thats what I am ganna do... shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. I'd rather die alone with 14 cats and a fridge full of sour cream! EDIT: The next day, I wake up and get this as a horoscope...I think someone is watching me. Dear Brandy, Here is your horoscope for Saturday, October 1: You're torn between spending some time alone and putting in whatever hours it takes to get a project completed in the company of others. Lots of others. Once you decide, you'll put yourself into it completely. But take your time. weird. B

Man, I wish I didn't have insomnia so bad. It's like ALL day long I am soooo freaking tired and then when the sun goes down, I wake up and can't sleep. WTF? Then. My body aches and it sucks even worse... I WANT some candy like it's nobody's business. And if I don't get it I am ganna kill someone. Yeah...I know what your thinking. AND IT IS YOU FUCKER, IT IS! Well, I am off. B

Big shout outs to Liam...I know you're reading this...... Really tired. Just took some PM meds to get rid of my head-ache. So hopefully they will kick in soon. Come to think of it, they just did. G'night! B

really draggin ass right now... Did a lot today and now I am feeling the burn. It sucks butt. B

this is funny...true, but funny B

I made it to Michelle's and even if I wanted to leave...I cant. I'm sure everyone who is reading this knows what is going down here on the south coast. It's called Rita. And all the freeways are COMPLETELY backed up. It took 8 hours for my friends mom to make it from the east side of Houston to the west. And she is still here. Stuck. And you can't get off and turn around because it takes and hour and a half to move one car length...you are not going anywhere. And if you are still there when this bitch hits, pray to God...because you might not make it. I went to the corner store to get some soda earlier and 1960 looked like the parking lot of a camp site. There were people on the side of the road camped out for miles. All of them trying to get on to I45. Cars going the WRONG way on the street just to get SOMEWHERE. Insanity. Complete craziness. People standing in the street because their cars were out of gas. And it's not like you know, you're driving and you see someone randomly on the side of the road. I am talking like people standing in the middle of the road in CROWDS and cars trying to move AROUND them. NO COPS. Needless to say, I got my soda and hauled ass back to the apartment. It's safer here. I am not going anywhere until shit gets straight....because the last thing I need is to be mixed up in all that shit. For ME: Jesus, Lord, I know you are on your way here. I have accepted you into my heart and believe in you and LOVE you. It's ganna be great to meet again.... Floaters from the orange hot fire chee-toes... eww. B

NO it's a fucking hurricane! Everyone here at home is panicing because of Rita. And I don't really blame them. Gas stations are completely out of gas and the ones that do have gas, it takes an hour to fill up because you have to wait in line to get to the pump. This is what I was just doing. In the 106 degree heat...waiting on a gas pump. For an hour. And I wanted to kill someone. Someone who had the name Rita...just by chance. My mom and dad are staying. Which is funny because my mom is one of the many people asking themselves why the morons in New Orleans stayed KNOWING there was a hurricane coming...yeah.... I am just worried about my little sister. So I gave my dad some money and told him that if he needed to, get the fuck out of Houston and he said "I'm staying here." He plans on cutting the roof off of the Dodge Ram and using it as a make-shift boat. Yea, you know we live in a trailer.... So me and Michelle are going to hide in her closet with our two kids. I am packing everything I can fit in my car and taking it with, because I have a feeling that my house won't be located at 7219 Curlew when I get back from Michelles, it's going to be 666 Mason Rd. Yup, I think that the storm is going to be strong enough to lift up this coke can of a home I have and toss it down the street. And the last thing I want is my clothes and important papers to go with it. My car has a better chance of survival, seeing how it out weighs the house...which is kinda funny...so I am packing up my most precious belongings and hauling ass outta here! I'm taking: My son, My cat, My clothes, and I might take my TV seeing as how I just bought it... I don't know yet. So I guess I better get packing! See Ya! B

And they say he isn't sexy...Shake it baby... shake it. B

I bet T-mobile's web site is working right now. Fuckers. B

This weekend was good. And then Monday came. Without fail it ruined my fun. But what are that for, right? Went to see Jared on Sat. And then I went out with Michelle. We saw my "uncle" play in his band at this hole-in-the-wall pup not to far from my house. It was cool. He is so talented. I am so proud! Then we went to Wild West. We will never go again!!!!! If I wanted to be hit on by men 50 years plus, I would go to work, and then get paid for it. But really, it was alright.... but that is only because we stayed for an hour. Sunday, I went to the mall. And did some much deserved shopping. I looked cute for the crappy Monday I had! Today....Work sucked ass....made some money, not much.... but more than what most make in a day...actually double, so no complaints. Whole hearted ones anyway.... Well, that's all I got. For now. Choa. B