i was looking at pictures of his face. god he is so beautiful. i want to look at his face for real. just stare at it. and tell him he's beautiful. i don't care if he tells me back. i want to tell him. i remember one night when he came over. we laid down on the couch in the white room. all squished together huddling under the blanket. and we talked. talked about important things. talked about meaningless things. just talked. and i realised that i love him. i love the fact that i can talk with him. even if it doesn't have a meaning. he asked me what i wanted. and i told him 'right now, it doesn't matter what i want in ten years. right now, this is what i want.' and we slept. well, he slept. and i thought about how lucky i am to have this beautiful guy's arms around me. and how lucky i am to love him. and how lucky i am to have his love.