I have just realized that I have wasted almost four years on her. I love this girl so much I gave her so much I gave her everything I could. But in the end it wasn’t enough, I should of just listen to my friends I was so blind so stupid I don’t know why I did this to myself I know this girl, I know how she is and I still fell for it, life right now is really going down. The holidays are kind of gay right now, I feel like shit right now, out of all my friends right now I am the single one, everything we do something we do like a couple thing which sucks for me, I almost drink like everyday almost get drunk everyday wish I could just start over met someone else before I met her, she never really liked me she just kind of used me, I do miss some of my old friends, but I know they don’t care for me anymore they have moved on like I should, I hate change I hate when this happens it feels like I am all alone right now no one by my side I drive for no reason trying to think trying to get my head clear, and it doesn’t work. : I feel like leaving I feel like just leaving and coming back in like four years maybe I should join the army or something I don’t know there is nothing here for me.,. I cant wait to go to school in the spring I hope I met someone better and nicer.,.,