I hate appologizing and I hate making excuses. I hate making explanations and I hate talking about myself. I can't stress this point enough: I'm not the girl you're looking for. Everything is wrong with me and nothing will ever go right. You'll regret everything and you'll hate me the whole way through. I can never be good enough. I'll never be able to make you happy. You always have high expectations and I'm all about low performance. We'll never understand each other. And I'll rub all this in your face everytime we argue. Because I explained everything in the beginning. I tried to get you to understand. But you blew it off and told me I was different and that I just didnt see it in myself. I let you take over and I shut up because from the sounds of this, it leads me to believe you know what's best for me. Tell me again, almighty savior, tell me you have everything under control. Save me, I beg of you. I'm a stubborn brat who carries more baggage than necessary. But that's my schtick, you see. "I'm too damaged. Don't waste your precious time on me." and that's really my plea for you to give up on common sense and fall in love with me. This whole time has been the best of your life, but I can't say the same. I've been searching for excuses to stay mad and to run away. I need a reason to hide. Please baby, be my reason to give up and flee. You don't quite understand where I'm coming from because the whole world has been kind to your pretty face. And that's just my point, isn't it? I'll tell you how hard things were and I'll explain that all my life has been nothing but a fairytale to you. Because you've only read about my problems in medical textbooks. But you don't listen to me, because this is where I beg for your pity and plead with you about loving me. I need it. I need you in my life, because your my reason. I've lead you to believe your my reason to live, but in all actuality your my reason to run. I just couldn't bear to see your reaction. We take turns hating the situation, but no matter how many times we slam our fists on the table, nothing's gonna change. You don't seem to catch on to the common sense band-wagon. You seem to think it's the situation, so you blame the high heavens and you curse your way to hell, and you dont really notice that my reation hasn't changed. Because I know the big secret here. It's us; not the situation. And none of this will change because the reason this is happening is because of the people we are. And that'll never change. So in my silent mind, I'm gently begging you to listen to me. Because I have more experience with unhappiness. I happen to know a little something, but its hard for you to shut up. Because you want so bad to be right. You want my reasoning to be the last plan of action. And you're too busy hating me for even thinking this way. So please, tell me I'm hopeless, tell me I don't care, tell me what to feel, because what's running through my mind just isn't good enough. This makes me sick to my stomach. And I can't even begin to sort this out. I'm oh so tired, don't you understand? I can't do this anymore. It's too hard. And it takes too much energy and I dont know how to focus. I don't have the time. But none of this is a good enough excuse to you. I have to keep trying, because you guarentee that you're different and this time everything will work out. I think you don't give a shit about my best interest, you just want so badly to prove me wrong. So you've set up such an elaborate ploy to get me to fall in love with you. You don't give me the benefit of the doubt, because you don't think I'm quite smart enough to understand it. But I'm really just too grown up to take part in a childish game like this one. But I'll pat you on the back and explain that I just don't know. I'll close my eyes and let you do all the talking because you know whats best...You have everything under control.