i'm sitting in the middle of the party and something is happening to my brain that i dont quite understand. the room has this smokey haze that smells a little like mold and a little like my nana's perfume. i try my best to ignore the scent that is permeating my clothes. i try to ignore everyone around me, what they're doing and why they're doing it. but soon enough i can't help but pay attention to my surroundings. everything seems so fast and so interesting that i cant stand to miss a thing. i become fascinated with why people are the way they are and why they do the things they do. like physics, but for humanity. i pause the party and let my mind play. i watch the people and try to figure them out. why does marx tear off the labels on his beer bottles? why does mike close one eye when he's drunk? how can john hold down so much alcohol and still be sitting up on his own? "it's a wonder," i said. and maybe that's because its about humanity and not gravity. people are amazingly deep and manipulative creatures. if you open your eyes, close your mouth, turn on your mind and focus, you can realize just how complex we all are. and its an amazing sight to see. i feel like the tour guide at the zoo - only instead of animals they are people and instead of cages, they have lives. but trapped inside them none the same. people play others like musical instruments. you say one thing or do another for a specific reaction from someone in the room. and if you're not smart enough to play an instrument, or at least recognize a musician, then you will soon become part of an orchestra that will make you wish instruments were never created. i watch her play him like a clarinet and i shake my head at how naiive he is. how can he still be interested in a girl like her? but the truth is she was smart for knowing the music, but was immature for humming along. and he was an idiot if he didn't realize what she was up to. but thats the interesting part about physics. there are only three types of people in this world: people like him, people like me, and people like her. and if i had any say, i'd hand him a gun and tell him to shoot her in the face. because he was sweet and didn't deserve to have his heart broken. because i wanted the best for him. but she...she just deserved to die.