flight 410 in the late part of a nearly perfect saturday afternoon. the sun was out but slightly covered by a hazy layer of clouds. today is good day to fly. i used to pretend i was afraid of flying so the person next to me would assure me that everything would be okay. i was young enough then for it to pass without skepticism. now that i'm older, i get funny looks when i grip the arm rests as the plane steadily plummets to our final destination. but what i hadn't realized is that during all those years of pretending, i actually developed a very real fear of take offs and landings. so each deep breath in and counts to 10 is as real as it gets. my hands are clammy and my heartbeat has picked up its pace. i guess thats my hearts way of saying it recognizes the gallons of adrenaline passing through my veins. i fear the desent but i can't wait to land. the girl sitting next to me is sort of how i imagine myself. you know, if i were completely different. she's blonde and beautiful but not in the traditional sense. she looks like barbie's second cousin twice removed. the beautician, not the flight attendent. come to think of it, maybe its not me she reminds me of. but a girl i met just a few times a few months ago. her name was nikki and she was attending beauty school. what a striking resemblence. only i'm pretty sure the extent of this girls habits are biting her nails and singing off key. something so much less complicated than meth and pabst. the in-flight movie is not one i've seen before, but it isn't one i'm interested in. i close my eyes and begin to listen to my surroundings. the babies crying because they haven't learned to pop thier ears yet. the guy tapping away on his laptop, definitely not writing an email to his wife or kids. someone wants to know the score of the game and someone else wants a new set of headphones. once again i glance over at the girl sitting in the seat next to mine. you didn't actually think this was a story abouot my flight, did you? oh you did? that's sweet. she seems so much more important than anything else on this plane. she is lifting and closing the window shade as if she's having an argument with the sun and the fucker just won't listen. i silently laugh to myself at this analogy. the shade is up right now and she occassionaly looks out but never for very long. i think she's a nervous flyer. something we have in common. she takes out her CD player and i can't catch a glimpse at the CD before she pushes play. she seems uninterested in what is playing through her headphones and checks out the movie, but can't seem to get into that either. the flight attendent comes by and is offering drinks. she takes a diet pepsi. something else we have in common. the shade comes down as she eats her pretzels and drinks her diet soda. she's not focusing on anything and i wonder if she can see what i'm writing. probably not. she finishes her lunchtime snack and gets out her book. hot pink cover and it looks like she's just started it. i could ask her if she likes it so far, but i'd rather observe and not interact. the shade goes up about halfway and she cracks open her book. i have my own headphones on and my music is almost a soundtrack to our little romance. she pulls the shade down completely as the plane takes a turn to the west and its almost as if we're flying directly into the sun. she keeps reading and i run out of stuff to write about. but i'll keep one ear uncovered in case she wants to talk. you know, in case she catches on to my ability to have a long romantic love affiar with her in my mind without even saying three words. in case she wants to talk, i'll be here. in case she gets nervous, i'll be here. and when it comes time to land, we'll grip the same arm rest and touch hands. and then i'll never see her again. and she'll just be my two hour love affair that i never met. three if you count the time change.