If I committed suicide I'd be old fashioned and slice my wrists I'd get blood on the living room carpet Yeah, my mom would be pissed. If I committed suicide I'd buy a gun and shoot myself in the face Now I'd have to have a closed casket Otherwise my brains would be all over the place If I committed suicide I'd drown myself in the ocean Now you have an explanation Just tell my family I didn't want to cause a big commotion. If I committed suicide I'd jump from 150 feet or higher I'll plead temporary insanity And say I wanted to walk the telephone wire. If I committed suicide I would overdose on a sleeping aide So when someone blamed you for my death, you could say, "It wasn't my fault, she hid it in her lemonade." If I committed suicide I would tie the rope around my neck Now all you owe anyone is an apology "I'm sorry, she was in the shower," you'd say, "I didn't think to check." If I committed suicide I would use electrocution "I'm sorry," I'll say, "It was my only solution." If I committed suicide I'd lock myself in the freezer at work We could say it was an accident That the temperature guage went berserk. If I committed suicide I would swallow 9 oz. of terpentine And I'd blame it on my father, because one day he said to me, "I'm sorry sweetie, I didn't even think you were mine." If I committed suicide I'd jump 250 feet into a big body of water And when the coast guard can't find my body You'll hear my father tell them to go out and search again, because "she's my only daughter."