in the government yard of trenchtown
observing the hypocrites
as they would mingle with the good people we meet
good friends we have
good friends we lost
along the way in this great future
you can't forget your past
so dry your tears, i say I'm the Haley and he's the Lucas. I'm the Haley and she's the Brooke. I'm the Haley and Lucas is in love with Brooke. I'm the Haley and I'll just be Lucas's best friend. I'm the Haley and he'll never be the Nathan. Because there will never be a Nathan. And I will never be the Brooke that Lucas wanted. ♥♥♥ Haaaaaay...here comes the February depression. And the slightest smell of food nowadays makes me wanna hurl. Not to mention this fiasco adding up. The thing is, he called. And he made me sing out everything. As in everything. The whole thing with no strings attached. In fairness, that phone call saved everything. I was so fucking scared that I ended up having a mild fever after I hung up. But the important thing is that we talked things out before the situation got the worst out of me. He would've faced a zombie if I still didn't say anything up to this time. Turns out he really doesn't care for me the way I did for him. He had no idea how long I've been carrying this burden. I never really thought it would last for almost a year now. He had no idea, because I figured he would read this anyway. If he reads it, that is. At least he called. I really missed him, to tell the truth. Being ignored for a week must be that tough, and suddenly disappearing like a bubble must've taken his toll. I admit, seeing them together used to make me feel insanely jealous, but now it didn't hurt the way it used to be. Now, whenever I do see them together, all sweet and stuff, I'd be like...WALA LANG. I still love him, of course. But things are different now. I can't hang on to anyone all the time. Besides, he'd rather bury me deep down the ground than see me this way. So we're okay now. Nothing really changed. Oh well. Good for him. At least February 14th won't be that cold for him the way he expected it to be. I'm happy for the both of them. So why do I still feel bad? He's not really my problem anymore. It is about everything now, being at the peak of my insanity. Something about it just makes me wanna break down and cry any second. Then I went numb. Right now, I just don't want to. And right now, I don't even know what to think. I'm still me, of course. Still the smart, seething, sarcastic bitch everyone knew. Just don't ever talk to me about the L word ever again. Consider me to become stonehearted if you did. Maybe back to my past life when all I ever wanna do was to kill the living daylights out of anyone who hates me and dares cross my path. I just wish someone would just come up to me and give me a car and big bags of cash so I would just drive away from this place, to the sunset, and never see anyone again. Anywhere but here. I know I have to stop keeping this. I'm so sick of acting and living a lie. Life's just a joke anyway. I have to do or find other things worth wasting my time with. I always feel this clenching sensation in my chest. A series of heartbreaks will just give me a series of heart problems in the future.
And a thoroughly hopeless crush is the last thing that I need.