hug my pillow and cry from this tip again
and my eyes are like windshields on a rainy day
almost rubbed down, swelling, as i keep on
dipping my face in these cold hands of mine
heaven knows how bitter i am You know what I especially hate myself for? I can put on such a tough front, that's what. But deep inside I'm just like origami, easily folding under pressure. I crack easily. I told him everything. Everything I knew about her foolish antics. And he still wanted to continue their relationship as if nothing had gone wrong. She can just trick me and trick me, he said. Bahala na si Batman. Bullshit... Look, I am not someone trying to break them up. I'm not a homewrecker. I just wanted to do what I think is right. But now it's more like I'm fed up. I'm just so sick of everything right now. I warned me and warned me so many times now. But I couldn't just help myself. He's gotten further under my skin than I realized. I couldn't shut him out from my life that easily. People warned me and warned me and told me to just stop. They tell me I should just let fate do everything. They tell me I will only end up getting myself hurt. Well, guess what? I did get myself hurt. Everyday was like I'm drowning and not giving a damn about it. It's like all I wanted to do was to just trash out everything else, magwala nang magwala, like a bat out of hell. I want to trash out everything for being so stupid, for forcing myself to be this monster that I am right now. I just couldn't seem to stop. My fate sucks and reality just fucking bites. I wanted to stop. I really do. But the one who got away will obviously never come back and will only be bathed in the throes of lies and jaded deception. Unless a miracle happens and things turned out differently. But I already feel like my hope was shut off like a light. I am better off alone. I just have to accept this cruel fate of mine and be done with it, no matter how much it really hurts. Humans are such terrible messes. I probably would be the worse one. If only my hypertension would just take it's course so all of this will just be over... It's not about looking for someone to love me anymore. I can't waste my time on anymore kalandian.
It's about looking for someone to suck out all the poison in my life right now.