"youll get a tumor, but on your surgery day the doc'll see it and say gee whiz look how important he is, his life must rule!" "...and for sitting through this i get anal tonight. you hear me? now matter how clean i want the house, you clean it!" "the dukes would be proud, peter" "hello this is peter griffin, im calling to report a mad crminial. whats yuor last name again? griffin. g r i f f i n. and whoe he coming after? my son cris (talking on the hpone with himself)" "brian-y-your drunk g-g-ive me your keys *passes out drunk*" "all thats here is a hole in the ground. i dont think it goes anywhere. nope, defiently doesnt go anywhere" "i can go anywhere in my calvins" "im dating kate moss!" "you are now...christobel!" "the only things that can survive a nuclear meltdown are twinkies and cockroaches" "oh itsd everywhere! oh its in my racoon wounds!" "theres a crunchberry under the fridge" "theres a penny under the couch" "did he give up after loosing millions of dollara of his fathers money? no. did he give up after being arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct at a football game? no. (etc)" "they treat you ok, unless your black or gay or cherokee!" "blast!" "come into my house will ya...bastard,...." "..or that d-readful gene chalet!" "...next to the creams. oh..i hate saying that word.." "something like steriods? ive seen what happens to people on steriods, those women on espn two, theirs breasts turn to flapjacks!" "the 60's brought the hippie breed, we lost the values but we kept the weed!" "ive got a plan so great i havent even thought of it yet!" "ok, now on the count of three...1...2...*farts* *cris makes fire*" "theres nothing to uh- to uh- to uh- oh god whats that word im looking for- do" "*gorws fingernail and scratches guy* ow that kinda hurt? is that bleeding? no..but...ow that that hurt!" *cutting cake* *stabs stripper on accident* "ugh...coconut!" "it'll make you smell like elizibeth taylor! which im guessing smells like bourbon and vicodin!" "i say, my cranium has doubled in size!" "this is tom tucker...'s evil twin, todd tucker, out to ruin my brothers reputatiton. now im gonna go have sxex with my hooker with whom i still have 45 minutes left, back to you diane" "just lookin at her makes my testacles wanna drop! up- speak of the devil. make that devils" "howd they get up here?" "youll of course be playing the role of sans testecles..." "i LOOOOOOOVE chocolate! but i cant eat it becuase then ill e fat, but it is SOOOOO delicious!" "i was thinking of pairing him with an effeminate cat" "i heard in church that if your good you go to heaven. but if your bad, you go to a place where the dead think theyre still living, and they pray for death but death wont come! espn?" "oh! i feel so deliciously white trash! mommy! i want a mullet!" "look! its hetero-sexual clothing designer, calvin klein!" "louis may be worth a million to you but to me she's worthless" "i'm gona try to seduce luke perry"