Walked away, heard them say "Poison hearts will never change, walk away again" Turned away in disgrace Felt the chill upon my face cooling from within It's hard to notice gleaming from the sky When you're staring at the cracks It's hard to notice what is passing by with eyes lowered You... walked away, heard them say "Poisoned hearts will never change, walk away again" All the cracks they lead right to me And all the cracks will crawl right through me All the cracks, they lead right to me And all the cracks will crawl right through me, and I fell apart As I... walked away, heard them say "Poisoned hearts will never change" Walked away again Turned away in disgrace Felt the chill upon my face cooling from within

The Saturday after Thanksgiving my guinea pig Moo-Moo passed away. He was the last of my boys. I miss him a lot. He loved to be a brat he would bit you if you didn't say hi to him before you picked him up, he liked to sit in my hair and hide or just chew on it lol. He love oranges and carrots but his favorite was raisins. He love all kinds of music and he would sometimes run around his box when I would listen to something he really liked such as Dance Dance by Fallout Boy or Round n' Round by Ratt. Some of the funny things I remember was when ever he heard Kenny sneeze he would jump and spin around because he liked the sound or he knew that he was making him sneeze and he thought it was funny maybe both. He had a big green ball that he loved to roll around and make lots of noise with. His really name was Inuyasha but I called him Moo-Moo because when I first got him he had a cold and he would make a sound like he was mooing. Moo-Moo was fine then Friday night he got sick I was up all night with him then when I vet opened I called and they said to bring him in but I knew he wouldn't make it and he didn't he died in my arms in the car on the way to the vet. My vet said he died of old age not some sickness like my others that's a small comfort to a big pain in my heart that is nestled in my heart with the rest of loved ones I've lost I hope I don't have to make room for anymore for a long time. I lost Moo-Moo 3 months after Kouge I think Moo just missed him too much.

So Kenny and have been living in our house for a while now it is really nice but stressful. I don't have a lot of time left on here so I'll just say things are good for the most part and that's a good thing right at least it's not bad for the most part. we fight a little more but I hear thats normal. I still love beening married to him so I think we're good for now lol.

On Monday my guinea pig Kouga passed away. He was sick for 2 weeks. Here's the whole story. I took Kouga to the vet on Monday the 13 to get his teeth trimmed. The day before he was running around playing just being happy little Kouga. When the vet saw him it wasn't my normal vet it was the lady that works with him. She said she could trim his teeth with no problem. But she filed them with a dog nail file instead of cutting them. The next day he was acting a little weird but I thought it was because his teeth felt funny. Later the next week I took him back to the vet cuz he wasn't getting any better they gave him a couple of shots and some meds and said he would be ok. Two Weeks to the day I took him to the vet the first time Kouga died. After he passed I took him to the vet be cremated like my other one. I call the vet later to ask if he had an ideas as to what happened to my pig and the nurse said that the other vet cut him open and took a slice of him out to send it away for testing. I was so hurt I told my mom to tell them to put it back (they did) I told them to tell Pat my vet what happened and to have him call me. When he called me he said he didn't now I didn't want it that the other vets said I didn't care if she cut Kouga out or not. He said that didn't sound like something I would say but he let her do it. He told me he was sorry and he would make the other vet apologies to me. I can't wait for that cuz I'm going to make her feel so bad that every time she sees me she will feel guilty about what she did and hopefully never do something like that to anyone again. Today I went to pick up his ashes and the other so called vet wrote me a letter telling me she was sorry. She didn't even have the nerve to say it to my face. I think she knows she did something to cause his death. I mean why else would you try and do an autopsy in secret. Any way that's what happened. Kouga was a beautiful guinea pig. He was so loving, he always wanted someone to talk to him or hold him. He loved to sit on my shoulder and play in my hair. He would listen to music and sit on my bed when I played video games. He was best friends with me cat socks they would cuddle and talk it was really cute. He had a good friendship with my dog Draser. Draser would go in my room a sit by Kouga's cage for a long time and watch Kouga play or I would put Kouga on my bed or the floor and Draser would let he run all over him. His favorite foods were carrots, apples, raisons, and oranges. His favorite bands were H.I.M., Cold, Atreyu, Fallout Boy, Evanescence, Kill Hannah, Michelle Branch, Taking Back Sunday, and Three 6 Mafia (Who knows why I sure don't). Late at night if he got bored or wanted me to wake up he would run as fast and as loud as he could around his box. He liked to chase Moo-Moo (one of my other pigs) around and jump on him and them run away making sounds like he was laughing. He would stand on his food dish and squeak for raisons or just to be petted. He was really brave too he would be the first to try something new or play with a new toy. He would bite paper but not eat it most of the time I think he liked the sound of it or something. He like all the rest of my pigs liked it when I read to him his favorite book was Maximum Ride book 1. I know it was his favorite cuz he would squeak until I picked him up and put him on my chest I think he liked to watch the book cuz he would always turn around to face it and not even bite it. It looked like he was reading it himself maybe he was I don't know but it was adorable. He loved my mom Kouga was her favorite out of all my pigs. When he was really sick about 2 years ago I stayed awake with him for 3 days straight and I made myself so sick I couldn't take care of him anymore so my mom took over for me if it were for her help then he wouldn't have been around as long as he was. Love my Kouga so much and I will always miss him but I know he is in a better place right now running around with Sesshomaru playing in a field with lots of yummy green grass, all is favorite foods and box allover to hide and play in. Maybe there is even a radio that plays all of their favorite music. Sesshomaru won't like Three 6 Mafia though. But I'm sure that they are together and happy to be that way. Kouga I will miss you and hold every memory of you in my heart forever. You were and forever will be my little Tokie.

I bought Kenny a dog he is a Basset hound his name is Fred. here's a pic.

Well the Thursday was mine and Kenny's anniversary we have been together for 4 years. We went to a bunch of garage sales and it was fun we got a few things. We got dinner at our favorite pizza place (we get dinner there very anniversary) then we went back to Kenny's and hung out then went to sleep cuz Kenny had a surprise for me the next day and we had to wake up early Friday Kenny took me to the zoo (the surprise) it was great we hadn't been there in 4 years we had our first real date there. We saw the new baby polar bears well we saw the boy anyway. He was so cute he was playing jumping around and stuff he looked like a really big puppy. The bid house was cool too cuz there is an open area where the birds just fly around. The ape house was my favorite the were so active I loved the silver back gorilla he had a hold of the tier swing and he wasn't going to let go he was so cute. I posted pics of my zoo day they are in the folder called "The Zoo" what else would it be called right. After the zoo we went to a car show it was fun but I was really tiered. After that we went back to Kenny's house and he got a call from our friend Eric. He wanted to know if we wanted to go and see his baby goat so we went to see it. He is sssssooooo cute and little he follows Eric around like he is his mommy well I guess Eric is his mommy now. I wanted a goat before but I really want one now lol. After visiting Eric and his goat we went bowling with Eric, Jenny, Adam, and some perverted, jackass, douche bag, piece of shit, named Mike that Adam some how calls a friend (only God knows why) I didn't bowl cuz my legs hurt to bad from all the walking. After bowling we went to Adam's apartment with Eric, Jenny, and the perverted, jackass, douche bag, piece of shit (yay) we watch "Hot Shots" it was funny at least the parts I wasn't asleep for. After the movie we went back to Kenny's to go to bed. Sunday nothing happen. Really I watched a movie that's about it. Monday Kenny went to work and I hung around his house until he got back then he took me home and we watch a movie. Monday morning at 4:00am my uncle Ronny died. I hadn't seen or talked to him in 12 years. My family had a big falling out after my grandma passed away and that was that. Last year after my Mom had a heart attack some of the family came back together but it was to late for Ronny because he was in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's and wouldn't remember any of us. It is sad how things happen it just goes to show that you shouldn't take family and through them away people come and go we should do our best to let them know they matter before it's too late. SPEARS Ron Ron Spears, 68, of Holland, OH, passed away Monday, May 14, 2007, at his residence, with his loving family by his side. Ron was employed for 20 years with the Springfield Schools. He enjoyed collecting and restoring muscle cars. Ron was proud to have served with the United States Marine Corps. He is survived by his loving wife, Shirley F. Spears; sons, Greg (Ailisa) and Gary Spears; grandchildren Brandi and Justin Spears; sister, Karen Warren and brothers, Garis and Meredith Burton. Ron was preceded in death by is parents, Frank and Evelyn Burton, and brother, Philip Spears. Friends may call at the Reeb Funeral Home, 5712 N. Main Street, Sylvania, OH, Thursday May 17th from 3 - 9 p.m., where Funeral Services will be officiated by Pastor Tim C. Womack, Friday at 11 a.m. Interment with Veterans Honors will follow at Toledo Memorial Park. Those wishing to give memorials are asked to consider the Lucas County Chapter of the Alzheimer's Association. Online condolences may be offered at reebfuneralhome.com

Well Kenny bought me a truck. I love it so much I can't even put it in to words. I appreciate Kenny buying it for me and also fixing it and all the other things he is doing for me. I wish I could tell him everything I feel but I can never seem to find the right words. Every time I try and tell him the words get stuck and I don't know what to say. This truck means the world to me. I'll have a life soon and I'll go place and have a job and feel like I have a reason for being here. I just want to be like other people and not feel lost all the time. Thanks to Kenny I'm well on my way. Thank you Kenny for everything I just wish I could tell you everything that I need to but I don't know how I hope that over time I can show you and pay you back for everything you've given me. I love you.

THE BLACK MARIA "A Thief In The Ranks (Your Bike)" Your desperation Your inspiration When you finally became a mute, while a sad song plays, you lie helpless and lost, infected by the truth That was fabricated by you. Your image shattered in the eye of the storm. We would never reach out to you. How could you? Your desperation to look like a victim is such a cop-out. You're fooling yourself. Your inspiration is your contradictions. You've lost the concept of what's the real truth. That it's you who is the thief. Who should by humbled by the sheer size of your crimes. We befriended you. It was abuse. There's no better time then the present time to finally forget you. How could you? Your desperation to look like a victim is such a cop-out. You're fooling yourself. Your inspiration is your contradictions. You've lost the concept of what's the real truth. Close your eyes, and pretend that it's alright. Do you feel it tonight? Can you feel it tonight? It's all crashing down. Lately you know you've seen it. The face, in the mirror never lies. You're fading. Fading... --------------------------------------------- I'm so happy I got to talked to my friend Chris today for the first time in months.

I started taking birth control pills on Sunday to regulate my periods and so far they have made my really sick. I don't want to take then anymore but I have to I didn't want to take them in the first place. It sucks really bad. Kenny and I are good I think I might ask him if we can go to the movies on Sat. I want to see a few movies at the cheat theaters. I'm going to go watch Star Trek and take a nap. Later Dayz Amber

"Killing Loneliness" Memories, sharp as daggers Pierce into the flesh of today Suicide of love took away all that matters And buried the remains in an unmarked grave in your heart With the venomous kiss you gave me I'm killing loneliness (Killing loneliness) With the warmth of your arms you saved me, Oh, I'm killing loneliness with you I'm killing loneliness that turned my heart into a tomb I'm killing loneliness Nailed to the cross, together As solitude begs us to stay Disappear in the lie forever And denounce the power of death over our souls and secret words are said to start a war With the venomous kiss you gave me I'm killing loneliness (Killing loneliness) With the warmth of your arms you saved me, Oh, I'm killing loneliness with you I'm killing loneliness that turned my heart into a tomb I'm killing loneliness Killing loneliness

My guinea pig Sesshomaru died Friday night. He was a great pig he loved to play with his brother Moo-Moo. His favorite foods were carrots, oranges, and parsley. He loved to listen to Michelle Branch his favorite song was "You Get Me" I don't know why he liked her so much but he would run as close to the radio as he could and just set a listen. He liked to roll Moo-Moo's ball round and bump Moo-Moo with it and then run and hide in his box. He would stand on his back lags and squeak if he wanted me to hold him. His favorite color was purple; I have a purple leopard print blanket that he loved to play in. When he would get to run free around my room he would fall asleep in the pile of stuffed animals I have on my floor. He liked to chew on socks but only if they were on someone's feet. He would kiss your nose if you told him kiss-kiss he would never bite. I can't believe he's gone I will miss him as long as I live. This is one of the worst pains I have ever felt. I know he is in a better place now but that doesn't ease the pain and loss I feel. God bless you Sesshomaru we love you.

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This is an awesome band and a great song. KILL HANNAH LYRICS "Lips Like Morphine" I want a girl with lips like morphine Knock me out every time they touch me I wanna feel that kiss just crush me And break me down Knock me out! Knock me out! Cuz I've waited for all my life To be here with you tonight I want a girl with lips like morphine Blow a kiss that leaves me gasping I want to feel that lightning strike me And burn me down Knock me out! Knock me out! Cuz I've waited for all my life To be here with you tonight Just put me on my back Knock me out again Oh, I want a girl with lips like morphine Knock me out everytime they touch me I want a girl with lips like morphine To knock me out Cuz I've waited for all my life To be here with you tonight So just kiss my face and then Knock me out again.

Hey sorry it's been a while. Well My b-day was on the 4th I'm 20 now yay. It was cool Kenny came over and stuff. I got H.I.M. CDs and the Donnie Darko DVD I fucking love that movie. I went to Hot Topic and spent about $90 but it was okay it was my b-day money. I got H.I.M. stuff and a few other things. I needed to get my film developed from Taste of Chaose but I forgot so I still trying to got it developed. My baby guinea pigs are almost ready to leave there mom. I hope to post pics of them soon. Kenny and I are doing go. He just bought a new truck thing. He is really happy about it but he is always happy when he gets a new vehicle. The best part is I get the Cadillac YAY. I went today to see about a tattoo I want to get and one price is going to be about $50 so that's cool. I'm still waiting on a price from Woody I would like him to do it but I'm not sure I could afford it. There is more but I don't feel like typing any more.

On the 16th Kenny came over after work to pick me up. I was staying at his house for the weekend cuz his mom and dad went on a cruise. The weekend was nice even though we were bored a lot it was nice to be alone together. We watch TV and talked and stuff (hint hint wink wink). By the way "XXX State of The Union" is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. The week was pretty normal taking care of the animals, cleaning the house, playing Pikmin 2, and all the other stuff I do. On Saturday we went to the steam thresh. It was fun walking around looking at tractors and stuff. After that we get pizza and watch "8 Below" good movie by the way. Sunday we went back to the steam thresh with Kenny's dad. Kenny went off with his dad and I went and look around in some of the tents I found one that I liked a lot they sold all kinds of things from different religions. Kenny bought me a pentagram window hang. I love it, it's a silver pentagram with pretty blue beads hanging from it. After we left the steam thresh we went with Kenny's dad to pick up a snowblower. On the way back to my house we stopped a big yard sale. I got and Poison (the band) and a couple other things. Kenny bought us some finisher. A couch, two chairs, two end tables, and a foot stool. It's for our house that doesn't exist right now. We are starting to get a lot of stuff for our none existent house it makes me happy, excited, and scared all at once. After moving all the stuff in the house we cuddled and talked. I love it when we just sit and talk about whatevers on our minds. After he left I watched a movie called "Girl Like Me" it is a really good movie it's a true story everyone should watch it. Today my guinea pig Akasha gave birth to two adorable babies. They are both girls one is black and white and the other is solid black except for three white tows. I named the black and white one Yin-Yang (Yin for short) because half its face is black and the other half is white. I haven't thought of a name for the black one yet I'll post it when I do I'll also post pics when I have some.

Well at about 12:30am my ante call and said that my uncle hit a deer on his motorcycle. He is okay he just has a bump on his leg. The deer hit his windshield and broke it pretty bad we are sure the only thing that saved his life was the windshield. the amazing thing is that he didn't lay the bike down he kept it up some how. The bike is a little messed up it's got a dent in the tank the head light is shattered and a few other things besides the windshield. My cousins have changed the words to "Grandma Got Ran Over By A Reindeer" to make it "Daddy Got Ran Over By A Reindeer" it's pretty funny but my uncle doesn't see the humor in it. Later Dayz Amber

Well on Monday Kenny came over and told me he was getting a motorcycle and I was pissed cuz we had made a deal about that's neither here nor there. After we talked it over he left then called me a little after a told me The Zone (local radio station) was giving away HIM ticket and we all now how crazy I am for HIM. so I turned on the radio and listen then about a half an hour later they give them away I called and was caller 2 so I tried again then the line was busy so I tried again but my phone wouldn't dial and I was about to give up when the phone finally dialed and I got through Kyle told me I won. I couldn't believe it I was so stoked. The next day Kenny and I want to the concert. It took forever to find a place to park. After waiting in line for a LONG time we finally got in. Aiden opened the show and they were great. I was really happy when they played "I Set My Friends On Fire." The sing/screamer Wil and the Drummer Jake are really hot. It took a long time for the stage crew to get the stage ready for HIM it seemed to take about an hour but it probably didn't take that long. When HIM finally came on stage it was dark but you could see where Ville was from the little red glow of his cigarette. The first song they sang was "Right Here In These Arms" And they sound just as good in person as they do on CD if not better. I took a lot of pictures of Ville and the rest of the band. It was really cool cuz I was close enough to see all the detail in Ville's tattoos. I was a little sad cuz the didn't play "Heartache Every Moment" or "Gone With The Sin" but it was okay cuz they played "Join Me" and a lot of my other favorites. After the concert Kenny bought my a shirt and poster and got himself the new Aiden CD. I got to see the guys from Aiden up close and that confirmed my earlier comment that Wil and Jake are hot. On the way back to Kenny's house we stopped and got McDonald's the nuggets weren't that great but the rest of the food was good. All in all it was one of the most amazing nights of my life.

Kenny came over to and surprised me for our anniversary and we got pizza and listened to music it was nice. I was really happy to see him cuz my day was kinda bad and I felt a little sad. Plus my cousin would not leave me alone about the video game he was playing it's like I was playing it for he I had to do so much. But Kenny gave my some ankle bracelets that are really pretty. I want to get him a CD but I don't have the money just yet. Late Dayz Amber

This is Akasha She weighs 13oz.

Kenny is away for the weekend so I wont see him until next Saturday. I fell real lonely I wish I could make myself feel better. I've been really depressed again lately anyway. I have been watching Jay and Silent Bob movies like Clerks and Mallrats then I watched Chasing Amy and I felt even worse for some reason. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OK that didn't make me feel any better but at least I tried right. Uh I'm going to go play Prince Of Persia maybe beating the crap out of digital beings will make me feel better.