went to the mall with emily today. and she started talking about college again. she wants to go to an art school in portland or something. i want to go too, but i can't draw or anything so i don't know what i'd do. she wants me to go with her i think though. she said "no offense but i honestly can't see you going to college." i mean, i don't really care, because i can't really see myself going either, but it pisses me off. at least she has some shit figured out. like, i dont think im ever guna do anything with my life. i dont have a problem with that now, but i know i will eventually. if i do end up going with emily to portland, i think its guna be like.. her going to class and whatnot, me occasionally working, and when im not, just chillen in the apartment tokin up. no problem with that though.. right? and the thing about college.. i don't have any idea what i wuna do later, i dont know where i wuna go, i just dont know anything. i dont really care about it right now that much cuz i can worry about it like next year or something, but i mean, i just wuna have some idea of what i wuna do or what i wuna major in. i dont even know where i'll get accepted. my grades sucked through grammar school, freshman year they were shit, and they didnt start to get somewhat descent until last year. now they're still not great, but i'm doing fine. idunoooo... this is so aggervating. and im in one of those moods where nothing phases me at all. like, nothing matters right now, but at the same time it matters so much. iduno its weird. like, i dont care about anything and i dont feel like talking and i wuna be by myself, but i do care (i'm just avoiding everything right now), and i wuna be with someone to talk about shit. its really contradictory and its starting to confuse me and piss me off. alksdjfkasdfmx caseiuth9q8whfuq;w.nedksndc