It's been a while since i've made a real post. Not a "hey I remember this thing still exists, I'm still alive if anyone reads this?!"post.

A lot of shit has gone down since but then again nothing has. So i've graduated and all thtat jazz. went around europe and kissed some boys but there is someone I need to tell you about.

Someone who turned my world upside down and rightside up and then ... nothing.

In September of 2013 I downloaded a dating app. It was like hot or not and you swiped right for approval and left for dislikes. It was completely superficial and I liked it. Then one day I came across R.

I couldnt really tell THAT much from his pictures but his last one settled my approval of him due to his likenes to Hayden Christensen (at least in that picture). IT WAS A MATCH! haha no need for the all caps, to be honest this happened alot if I decided to swipe right on someone... usually no one sends anthing because the fear of rejection from a complete stranger is too hard to bear. hahaha so i assumed I would never hear from him. I was sitting on my couch contemplating what to watch next on netties when I got a message from him. "SAMANTHA. Wow! You are beautiful!" to which i replied " thank you, you're not so bad yourself! :)"

From then we bantered back and forth and what not. The usual. He was going to Canada that weekened so we couldnt meet. So I played it cool, I went about my life and a week goes by and another weekend and I presume "this" is done. Low and behold he texts me to meet up the following tuesday.

October 1st, 2013..It was my first T-date. We were supposed to meet at 4:45 to catch happy hour. I picked the place, the garage, due to its endless amount of activites. I got there at 4 oclock. DAMN. I just wanted to make sure I missed traffic! I take a walk around my old stomping grounds of Capitol Hill smoking a spliff trying to relax. Then I realize I'm MAYBE a little more high than expected or warranted. I SOMEHOW manage to be 5 minutes late. REALLY?! Being the dumbass I am, I forgot to look at this picture and remind myself who I'm trying to find. I channel Hayden Christensen and push forward. I walk into the billiards room where he's the lone person sitting at a booth and there are maybe 10 guys playing pool. I LITERALLY felt all of them stop and watch our first interaction as if they could tell it was a first date. We hug it out and move to a differnt room closer to the bar, and next to the window.

From then it's almost like time raced past me. Ugh, it sounds cheesy and cliche and basic to say but it really did. We just talked and it flowed, and then there was this moment... where he grabbed my leg and laughed as I finished a story. It was fleeting. Gone in a second but it left an impression. I almost stopped mid sentence and to be honest I felt the air leave the room. We were maybe two beers in at this point. He left to reapay his parking and came back ready to bowl. It was actually adorable watching us bowl. We jumped on any chance to touch eachother, a highfive here-- a neck grab there. Whilst still drinking beers. We're four beers in and several hours deep when I decided to buy him a shot of fireball. His eyes lit up like a christmas tree and he said "really?, you like whiskey too?" with this huge grin on his face.

We left the garage after a while. It was maybe 10:30 by now. He walked me to my car and I askd him if he wanted a ride back to his. We climbed into the car and it was like nothing I had ever felt before. We're in the car maybe a second and we're kissing. I can only describe it as we were perfectly in sync. For two people who had never kissed before-- we definitely knew what to do here. It was the awkward over the console lean at first where you're both straining and then its like he picked me up and I was on top of him. He never got passed my bra but we managed to do this for a while. I realized I had to go and so I drop him off at his car. We kiss goodbye.

I was 20 min out of the city when I got a text from him. We had already agreed to go to the movies the next day. I couldnt fucking wait. God, I couldnt wait.

I got there. LATE. FUCK. WHY MEEEE. We bought beers and went into the movies and sat down. He had snuck in three fireball airplane shots into his jacket.. whooops i mean six. Three for each of us. Fucking lushes... at one point he leaned in and kissed my forehead. and then two minus after that he looks at me straight on my face and says "can i get a kiss?, I've been waiting for that all day" hahah god. I'm really fucking sentimental aren't I? There goes my street cred.

He takes me around the Redmond landing and shows me where he used to work, and where he used to sneak into the movies. We went back to his car at some point and made out pretty heavily. Man.. I was in trouble. He was leaving for portland that weekend and was contemplating not going to hang out with me.

We didnt have sex untill october 26th...almost a month, I guess. He had no furniture in his apartment besides his bedroom stuff. He showed me around and we talked a little bit and then we were making out in the kitchen and then we were making out in his roommates empty room. Against the wall in there... and then on the floor. God we mightve had sex in there if he had a condom on him. We moved to his room and had sex two or three times. I had gotten a bikini wax earlier that week and was feeling pretty sexy. MIND YOU. That was my first bikini wax. I've never had sober sex before... that was a first and the energy was there and the tension and the want. It was kind of amazing. God I liked him so much.

I woke up the next morning feeling good but unsure if things would change.

He texted me two days later.

I met him out one night and he was with some of his friends. I was by myself and pretty fucking nervous. I walked into that bar being the 5"8 stunner that I am, looking as great as i ever could. His roommate Cameron greeted me and made me feel welcome. Then his other friends joined in. I ended up having a great time and cameron even expressed to me how much R liked me. We was sweet that night. He kept trying to feed me but he was sweet.

After that things kind of died down a bit. We didnt talk as often and the "miss you" texts disappeared.

I had bought him a pair of socks and he sent me a snap chat of him wearing them on thanksgiving. We hadnt talked in a while by then but it made me feel good.

I dont know why during all this i assumed he would be my boyfriend. Of course inthe begining things were going great but it was way too soon. I jumped the gun and held him to expectations he didnt need to be at. .. I'll always regret this.