do you know what its like to not have anyone to talk to? i mean sure i have a few friends but i cant really talk to them about whats bothering me. i try... just doesnt work... sigh. so im writing to an imaginary person. dunno where to start.. well lets see... lately ive been feeling extremely alone. i mean im always alone, but for some reason lately its been really tough. ive been trying to make new friends... well sort of... i mean i talk to some people on myspace and try to be friendly to them. but it seems that everyone sees what i look like doesnt want anything to do with me. i mean yea i know im not brad pitt but am i really so ugly that no one wants me? i wish people were not so shallow. im really a great person. all my friends say so... but if im such a nice, great guy why cant i get a nice girl. sure my friends say fuck all those shallow people... but it seems everyone is shallow. what am i to do? just be alone forever? i cant live like that. really cant. i need someone. someone to talk with. someone that i can be close with and understand. someone that can be on the same level with me. someone i can hold when i feel alone. someone that i can cuddle with and enjoy a movie. someone i can kiss and love. is it really too much to ask for one person like that? i see my friend... he gets all sorts of girls. they all like him, they all want to be with him. he makes out with all these girls. i dont even really want that. i just want one girl to be with. one person that im attracted to. one person that is attracted to me. someone that is interested in similar things. someone who wont backstab me like others. its just too much to ask it seems. i dont have much. i definately dont have looks. what i do have is a pretty good personality. im very nice and sweet. i have morals. i know how to treat a girl. im not like most guys, i dont treat a girl like shit, i dont act all shady, i dont ignore girls, im different. im actually a really great guy. but none of that matters because im not good looking. oh and sure whoever reads would sympathetically say oh hun youre cute dont be so hard on yourself... heh! its a lie cause if it wasnt i wouldnt be alone! if theres anyone out there that cares more about who a person is and how well they get along together and how much fun they can have, well i havent met them yet. and i dont think i ever will. heh funny i say yet... thats funny cause thats like my eternal hope. its this eternal hope i have for some damn reason. i dont know why... sighhh. anyhow i dont know how much longer it will last cause seriously im losing all hope. seems like theres no one special out there for me... like a gold fish in a fish bowl... trapped its entire life all alone... even dies alone. sigh. thats gona be me i can see it. sighh its been a year since ive even had anyone that was remotely interested in me and showed it. but we wont go into how shitty of a person that girl was. sigh... id be nice to cuddle up and watch a movie with a nice girl. id be nice to kiss a girl. sigh. ill be 20 in about one month feb. 24th and i still really havent had any real relationship. im destined to swim in the lonely fish bowl forever... arright im out. done. i havent cried in forever but i just might tonight. im so alone and all i have to talk to is this stupid blog/diary thing. life fucking sucks!