even though i am happy i dont know what is up??? my mind keeps thinkin is this the right thing to do?? i sure hope that it is. i mean i love jason with my whole heart but i am not sure what is going on? i mean he is on the outs with his family and living with me till he either goes to the navy or we know for sure that he is not going. i really hope that he does go cause that would make a good life for us. but then again i dont want him in iraq. that would jsut kill me to have him over there and me here not knowing hwat is going on and not being able to hear his voice everyday. i guess i am jsut scared. i mean i have never felt like this before. so it does scare me. all i want i my life is to be happy and not have any problems. i feel like i am makin the right choice. today we went to where my grandmother lived and we went to her grave. it still hurts so much and it is going on 2 years since she died. it still seems like yesterday to me. when we left the grave we went to the house that she lived in. leaving that house today was harder than ever. casue i dotn know when i am going to get to go back up there. right after we left they palyed the wind benith my wings. that song makes me loose it everytime i hear it. i was so emotional that the only thing i could do was to pull over till i stoped crying. jason jsut held me and told me everyhitng was going to be ok. that is soemthing that i love. even though he is going through all this with his family he setill takes the time to make sure i am ok. i dont even know hat to say to him about waht si going on in his world cause mine is all flipped upsied down right now. i jsut wish that for one min tonight htings would make since.