I don't know what my problem is lately. I think it's the depression, but not really b/c I don't feel helpless. It's a different kind. Like I felt when I was like a junior in highschool. Not again. I lost so much weight b/c I never ate (although I could use to loose a few) and fell into the self consciousness and...kindof just waiting. I ended up not enjoying my last year with the fam, friends and...him. So now I can't even watch movies, let alone tv b/c of all the relationships. It depresses me. I miss Lucy so bad. She filled that whole in me this past summer. And now she's walking. she's walking and even said "hi" to me on the phone today. twice. only one of my roommates really cared when I told them, and she's transfering. She says "hi", "manda", "jo" (joel, my brother), "aenay" for jenny, another 12-month-old who comes over to play, and then the usual "mama" and "dada". And then my parents continued with the sign language when I left so now she can say "please" on command and when you give her something she automatically says "thank you". I want to be back home where every day is so fulfilling. I want to skip the next few years and get past the classes and no life on the weekend. That's the other thing I realized today. I have no social life outside of this frickin' school. so I did some surfing (what did people do before the internet, honestly?) and discovered some great comedy clubs, I'm going to try and get a group to go some weekend here. Give me something to look foward to. I hate this feeling. I'm on the verge of crying but have nothing to push me to that edge, you know? Ug. I just want to do something. Quite frankly my roommates suck in this area. We have definatly maxed out the fun-o-meter on the whole renting a movie thing. Bars aren't an option for a few more months, and half my class is out doing that. Ug. I feel like I did when I was fifteen again. I hate that! Ashley, I need you here to sniffle and break the silence with your constant sneezing, clear up my problems with the all curing "uh, whatever", tell kate and I to shut up, get michelle away from her fucking computer, and just...be here. Your presence really was essential to the harmony. I'm so happy (and not to mention jealous) for you, but I could really use you right now! finally! I'm crying. time to go and let it all out!