Wow. It feels like I am just stepping into my old elementary school. I can't believe my blog has not been wiped out. I've been disconnected for some time but I thought it may be interesting to see if anyone still looks at this thing. If you have and wish to here from me, just leave a comment.

I DONT CARE IF ITS GOOD OR THE MOST TERRIBLE THING ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH... SOMETHING NEEDS TO HAPPEN OR IM GOING TO GO CRAZY!

i have no homework (hallealuia!!!!!). i probably won't have any tomorrow either and then we get Friday off and that is the start of the coveted..."SPRING BREAK". something everyone at my school has been desperately waiting for. i'm glad it's hear too. school has been getting hectic and my schedule for next year looks pretty gruesome too. four (count 'em 1,2,3,4!) A.P. classes. I did bring it upon myself but i feel that i can do well enough to scrape by. This break will allow me to spend some good quality time with my girlfriend so i can help her practice for soccer and i can get in shape too. Loads of fun will be had, hope all is well with the rest of you. Adam

you hold my heart please keep it close to you don't throw it in the dirt like all the rest do try to look inside through the scared and trialed see the inner me that remains undefiled try to see my hurt that i wish you could have better becuase no hug of mine can cure you not even a summer letter i've tried to be the one on whom you can count and rely but i've only realized my weaknesses afraid of you saying goodbye all would fade to black i wouldn't be me please take care of my heart this is my deepest plee. Adam

well, although i thought my return would be good thing (i guess only for me) it seems as though everyone has turned their backs to my senseless babble. That may be good, therapuetic, relieving, or any other mood you may feel. I do wish more people would notice that i'm still kickin'. well, thank you to the people, or person, who stills glances at the pathetic little cripple in the back of the room. Adam

i had a good V-day. i agree with many others that is only a Halmark holiday. It does have a special significance to some, which i can see why. the early stages of a relationship and they believe that every day should be some sort of landmark. Two days ago was my girlfriend and I's year and a half anniversary. special to both of us becuase we've been to hell and back, a few times i think. but what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger i guess. hope all is well with the rest of the internet community and i hope to hear from all of you. Adam

i've made my mark here, at least in my eyes. I don't have a whole lot to say on here. I haven't been able to write any good poetry lately and i'm not sure why. I guess i just have to keep plugging away, just like i always do. we're reading lord of the flies in comp. and it is a pretty compelling story. makes you think about a lot of things that aren't that great to think about but probably need to be acknowledged somewhere through our lives. My girlfriend and i are doing very well and i can't wait to see her. she is truly something special that i try to explain to her but fail to every time. i keep trying though, hoping to hit the nail on the head so to speak. My life meaning campaign is slowly beginning to move. not as quick as i would like but i realize that i must not be too picky. well, see you all later. Adam

well, i haven't written in a long time and i'm not sure if anyone reads this thing anymore but i'm just writing to say that i am doing well and probably won't make too many more entries but i might if anything drastic happens which i don't see happening. I'm content and happy with my girlfriend and can't wait to see her. Hope all of you out there on the vast ocean of teh internet are doing fine as well. I'll talk later. Adam

i just have to get the damn flu that's going around. my immune system completely sucks once i get sick. everything shuts down, i get really tired, and i just want to sleep through the sickness. school definetley sucks when i'm like this. i just seem to go through the motions of everything. i seem to be getting better but my immune system could always break down again. i guess we'll wait and see.

well, all who would bother to read this already knows what happened so i don't need to explain. If i do, just ask on a comment or something. death is a funny thing. it comes when least expected and for all the wrong reasons, and in the wrong ways. no one could possibly have guessed that when they say goodbye, that could be goodbye for the rest of your life. that could be the last time you see that person smile or laugh, or breathe. it's really sobering. two summers ago my aunt and uncle got into a car accident in Colorado, in the mountains. part of the road gave way and their jeep went tumbling down the mountain more than 1000 feet. My cousin Cole and his friend Ian were both ejected from the vehicle. my aunt and uncle never seemed to get out. they both died in that crash and my cousin was in a comma for close to six months. when he awoke, we had to tell him that his parents were no longer going to take care of him...we were. it's so strange to think about that. i heard about it while i was working at a Boy Scout camp. it was a completely normal day, until we got that call to let us know the tradgedy that had taken place only hours before. Death is wierd like that. it's just one of those inevitabilities in life. everything must have a beginning and an end. sometimes the author's of some of the greatest works seem to die too soon. he would have been a great man...he was. he will be missed by all. Yours, Adam

well, yesterday was my birthday for all who want to know. i got some nice stuff. it was lots of fun. my girlfriend came over and we watched The Ring 2, unrated version. that is some scary shit. it was a great night though. i had fun. yesteryesterday was the one year anniversary of the lovely, glorious, and almighty sD and I. it has been an amazing ride and i wish to continue to put out my incoherent babble through these words and into your head for at least another year. i'll talk to you all later.

i was informed a couple days ago of a horrific event that occured due to hurrican Katrina down in New Orleans. the music label Nothing, created by Trent Reznor took a huge blow as well. the hurricane destroyed Nothing studios and Trent Reznor's house that he grew up in. he had posted this on his website and said he would write more later once his thoughts were collected. just about to go on tour and know that all of that is destroyed is something very hard to deal with. a moment of silence would be greatly appreciated. thank you. -Adam

well, today started out absoluetly horrible on so many different levels. my parents were yelling at the top of their lungs at each other so i just stayed in my room because i didn't really want to get caught in the cross-fire. i made my girlfriend feel horrible, and that made me feel completely hopeless. i told my dad i was just going on a bike ride, except i really went to my girlfriends house to apologize and spend a little time with her. we got things worked out and now i'm doing pretty well. i'm still trying to hide from my parents so they don't aim and fire at me. i'm doing well though. i was tremedously scared that the happy feeling i had expressed wouldn't come back for a very long time once again, but it is back and everything is fine. i just hope i can hold onto it for a while longer.

for the first time in quite a while i find myself to be feeling relieved and very content with how things are going. yeah, school has started and i have homework, but that is okay. i really wish i could explain what i'm feeling but it just surprises me sometimes because i don't feel like this incredibly often. i hope this feeling stays longer than usual. i feel like jumping up and down and acting as crazy as one can possibly be. i don't know if that's happy or crazy...hmmm...oh well...to me it is happy. that is the way i wanted it to be all along...and now it is. i just have to make sure not to screw it up this time, like i seem to do every other time. well, i hope all is well with the rest of you. i will talk more later.

well, i got to go to the soccer game...but it didn't seem to turn out that great. my love's parents forgot that they had agreed to let her stay after school so they were expecting her home. her and her mom got their little problem worked out but her dad was very angry and at that point i knew i couldn't help in any way. i guess i just have to wait until tomorrow. she means so much to me i can't believe it. she improves my life in so many ways. she doesn't know half of what she does but i always feel it. she allows me to be the person i want to be, and is a free spirit, like me. we get along very well. i love her so much and can't wait to get out of this gay-ass town and into a world and life that i can fucking control! (gasp)....(exhale)...i feel much better now. later.

well, first day of school went well. there are already a couple of people i want to hit, but that's okay. nothing extremely amazing happened but that doesn't surprise me at all. i get to go to a soccer game tomorrow, that'll be fun. none of my classes seem like they're going to be that difficult so far. my hard day is tomorrow though; comp, chem, and pre-calc, fun fun. i guess we'll see how that goes tomorrow. talk to you all later.

why does it always have to be me that fucks up things that shouldn't be a big deal! it is a damn dance and i feel like i just wrecked the world of the one i love. option 1- i could keep my plans as they are and potentially inhibit my love from having fun whatsoever. option 2- get rid of my immediate plan so i can be with her. this is a problem for me...if you can't tell by now, i hate problems! my life has enough already and i just can't help but pile on more. this is no one elses fault but my own...i still think i need help though.

well, school starts a week from yesterday, i'm not ready for it to start. it will be nice to see a few select people again but i don't want to put up with everybody elses shit. i hope it is better than last year. the harrassment last year was hell. i think it will be better though. i don't have much to do though, kinda bored, but that's okay. i'm not looking forward to being over run with homework....ahh. well, that's all i have to say.

i had a wonderful conversation with a wonderful person. i feel great...i love it...it makes every pain, fear, or worry melt away. thank you...you know who you are.

so, yes, i do feel abandoned, given the fact i haven't updated since god knows how long ago doens't help much either. old feelings about my old friends are stirring and punching at the inside of my head. a lot of people don't know the reason why nick, dan, and i aren't so close anymore. then again, no one asked, oh well. hence my feeling of abandonment...is that a word, oh well. i'm finally back from work for the summer. it was a long 6 weeks, but i survived somehow. i've been with my lovely lady for over a year now, it feels wonderful. but i'd still like to hear from the friends i thought i had. let me know you're out there...please. -adam