so, i went and talked to my girlfriend about her private diary. she told me she made it private because she was just feeling "antisocial" when she wrote it. She said she never meant for me to become paranoid about it and she was sorry. So i thought everything was okay. i asked her about her recent entry that i wasn't able to read. she said she "was just writing about shit"...well...that makes me feel and warm and fuzzy inside. So i decided to go to her diary assuming that it would be readable since she didn't want me to be paranoid about it. it's still private. have you ever experienced a feeling so horrible you never could explain its true impact. i'm not talking about the above paragraph for those who think i am. i'm talking about my ticker and its issues. last night i felt as though someone had broken my sternum and reached inside of me, grabbed my heart, and pulled it out. that's what a murmur can do. fun fun....not really. wish i didn't have to go through that, or make my girlfriend worry about that. what can you do? solice