why can't i seem to be happy when things are like this. i'm away from where i want to be more than anything (my love's house), i'm not sure if i'm going to get to see her this weekend, and i can't seem to stop crying. i'm trying my best to be happy but i just can't seem to be when i look at the fact that i might not get to see her at all this weekend. i'll do anything to see her... i'd die for her... why do i have to cry... why am i so frustrated... i know i'm happy, why can't i show it... i love her soooo much. she means everything to me. she makes me feel great about myself, and i know she's always there for me. i love knowing she's always there for me. I look back now on when i wanted to end my life...what a big mistake. i take one look at where i am today and am glad i'm here. and to think i was sitting on my bed with that knife to my neck, just wanting to end everything...but didn't. she stopped me and didn't even know it. she just flashed through my head and i dropped the knife, she means to much to me to ever see her in pain. i couldn't bear it...she deserves to be happy...and so do i so i'm going to try...i'll talk more later...bye bye. ~Adam Murray~