He is my one and only. The one I love. The one I want to spend the rest of my life with. He may upset me at times, by not talking to me, but I know he's jsut waiting for the better.... or atleast I hope. But no matter what, I still love him, with all my heart. HE is mine, always and forever.

Devoted to You It takes a lot of time to finally see Who someone is. They hide who they are from others Some times with intentions to deceive Others, not. I know nothing of Heaven Or Hell Of reincarnation Or eternity. I know how I see them How I want to see them How I want to believe But I am blinded still. I will do what you ask I will open my eyes and beg to see I will ask for understanding I will focus on knowing I will do my best to please you For I never wish to lose you I scared you with my past I’ll end that past for a future with you. I’ll form my life around yours The way you want me to be I’ll wear white at our wedding Assuming you’d ever take me. I’ll wake every Sunday morning And dress the way people expect of me Act the way they expect of me Be who they expect; who they’ll accept. I’ll do what ever you ask For I want your love for life. And it was your words that showed me Who I am will not suffice. “I love you for who you are now, I just don’t know about later.” So then I’ll change for you now So we won’t worry about later. I hope I can make you proud That you’ll never have to worry again. I love you for who you are now And I will love you even more later.

I'm in love with him. His name is Derek. My Derek. That's all I have to say.

His name is Chris. My Chris. I'm the luckiest girl alive to have him. We've been together for a month. Just a month. A little over actually. But he's mine. all mine. I've never been this happy and this sad at the same time. I miss him. Chris. My Chris. I can't wait to go home to see him. Just six more days. -Solitude

So prom..was the best night of my life!!! I'll tell you more about it when I finish copyn and pasting it. Bye!! .. tehehe

Happy St. Patties Day! Kiss me, I'm irish!! Yay!...okay...bye

So, hi guys. Umm..The musical is over so I can start writing again. Yay! But..I can't think of much to write about right now. How's life? how is everyone? You all happy yet or...no? I guess the musical went okay. So..I'm trying to get my mind off john. Any pointers? This whole one sided relationbship isn't very healthy. hehe. So, if any of you can help come up with a way I can take my mind off likeing him..it would be very helpful. Thanks. So..I still have homework. Bed time for me. Nights.

Yay! I'm so excited. He said he'd go with me! I asked him when he'd go visit his college and he said he'd wait until the summer. Yayness. I can't wait for prom now. I have a date! woo-hoo. Okay..so..ya...anyway. How is everyone? That's good. So, ya....I'm in curlers right now at school and I keep getting funny looks. Musical...so anyway. Yay...

There is a chance. I asked him: "so do you know when your trip is?" Him: "Ya, and low-and -behold, it happens to be the same weekend as prom." Me: "oh....okay..." Him: "so now I have the hard decision of deciding if I'm going or not." Yay...not a yes...but it will do...for now. So..I'm still exhausted. So...nighty night.

So, I haven't been able to update because it just so happens that this is dead week. I have musical rehersal everyday till nine after school gets out. I'm so exhausted. I also have a show choir competition on saturday which I hope we do better in. I'm still working on John. I hope everything goes well. I really want to go with him. I don't have anyone else to go with. grrness.. So, I'm sorry, one again, for not posting. but anyway. :) Have a good day. sleep well. you never know you might just miss it. Ps. I'm also working on scholarships 24/7 ><

So I finally asked him. I was with him all yesterday and today. :) happiness I asked him to prom. Good news: he didn't say no! Bad news: he doesn't know if he can. He might be out of town. SO I might be able to, or I might not. I dunno. I hope I can. So as I said we hung out all day. We had show choir. So I road both ways on a bus for five hours each way with him. So..I'm not talking about anything important...so... Goodbye

The ballroom had been alive with royals and delicagates for hours, the floor full of dace and merryment. But noone was merry than the maiden with emerald eyes who sat alone in the corner. The masquarade was being held in honor of the return of King Brock's son, Sythos, from the Outerworld where he returned with a bride. She was a strange beauty he brought back to the kingdom with him. Her eyes were as black as the feathers of a crow and her hair was as deep as the midnight sky. Her name was Mystica, and she sat very poised upon the pillow she haad been adressed to. She was obviously a foreignor, and it was disheartening to see such a lovely young woman appear lost in a room where her new husband stood next to her. Mystica appeared around the room on occation. She did not bare a mask, for the mask was a symbol of protection and mystery that could only be embraced by a man professing his love. Her attention caught the maiden sitting near the back wall, holding an empty glass of wine in her hands. She was the most well dressed woman at the ball, even more than the new bride herself. Mystica's shadowy eyes caught a glimpse of the maiden's earthly orbs from behind the velvet mask she wore. Their gaze was only to be broken when an over dressed man stepped infront of their sight. "Ah, my dear, dear sister! I am so pleased that you would join me today! I've never been more excited. Can you believe, I finally took a bride! I do hope you aprove of her. You do don't you?" The man stood slightly above six feet with hair of rusted hay. He had a smile of enjoyment plastered to his lips and stared down at his kin waiting for her to comment. She placed her empty glass to the side of her and extended a hand to stand. "Why yes, dear brother. I must admit, she is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen." She gave Sythos a quaint smile and then glanced past at the dark skinned woman who sat without movement. "Good! Good then! All is good! You know Arylin you are the only one with an opinion that will ever matter to me, besides mother of course, God rest her soul. Obviously, since her passing though, father's taste in women has suffered." The young man released his sister's hand with a chuckle and headed towards his dear wife, only to be caught off guard by an adoring crowd eager to hear of his travels. Arilyn shook her head and with a grin glided across the dance floor, avoiding the men that would try to intercept her for a dance. Her eyes wandered as she walked, searching the crowd for someone particular. She stood in the middle of the ballroom and smiled when she finally laid her eyes on him. A young man dressed in a suit of armor with elegant engraving and a silk shirt stepped heavily across the floor towards her. He had short golden hair, and a strong face with the two hazel eyes peeking behind a black metal mask. He extended a hand towards her, and placed his lips on the smooth skin near her wrist. Her lips curved into a smile and she looked up into his eyes. Their gaze was intense but brief, for King Brock was to begin the evening ceremony. "Good evening! Ladies and gentlemen. We all know why we are here. So let's skip the formalities and begin the fun shall we? Let's see the bride and grrom dance!" Brock raised his glass of wine to the crowd then set it aside, taking his newest lady into his arms and led her to the dance floor. Sythos had already led Mystica to the center and the band had begun to play. "Shall we dance?" The man took Arilyn by the hand and led her to the dance floor. The dance went on for several hours until the royals beilived they had made a large enough impact. After the dance had deceased and Sythos' new-wife was being led to her room by the servents, the Prince looked around the empty ball room for his sister, to find only a few maids and servent boys begining to clean. She must have proceeded to bed when their father had retired for the evening. Copyright Feb 2005

So, whoever left me that anomynous comment, that was good. Too bad I got it too late. So I gave up today. I took a peice of stationary and wrote in french, "Tu vas aller a prom avec moi?" He takes russian and spanish. So, he'll get it tommarrow, either first or second hour..but..he won't be in class second hour? 0.o...I just realized this. Well then, maybe I have another day or two of a normal friendhsip before things get...awkward. So I hope he says yes but...grr...I dunno. Well, 'tis off to bed I go. I'm a ho, I'm a ho, and it's off to bed I go! Doodoodoodoodoodoodoodoodoodododododo!

So I'm starting that novel. I figure if I start now..I'll have it finished by the time i'm thirty..hopefully. So, I think sometimes I'll just post past of it to see what you people think. So don't get confused if it seems like I'm making out with strange people. lol. Just kidding. So..anyway, this whole prom thing..I don't know how to ask him? Any suggestions? I mean, we'd only go as friends. there is no other way to go. I just...I don't know why, I could tell a jerk off to his face or tell a bitch that she's dressed like a whore, but I can't ask someone who is really sweet to go to a dance with me only as friends? I'm messed up... Help?

So appearently, people actually get mad at me when I don't update. It's good to know I'm loved. So, here I am, I'm updating. Okay, so, I have to ask John to prom. I'm too scared to. I don't know what to say. Sorry I've been gone. I went to my college and I'm excited now. I can't wait for college. Okay, well, I'll post again later today to make you people happy. ttyl later. Ciao!

How do you count the ways to the one you love? I did. I do. I love him and yet, I let him go. But at the same time i didn't, because I still tell him I love him every night. I love him. And here I am, trying to hook-up with someone else? I am a whore after all huh? Some Valentine I make. Bitch. That's all I am. Fuck it...I'll just end up hurting someone. I'll just hurt myself instead.

Let it rain Let it pour Let the wayer wash away what I've done before Let it flood Let it sea And drown away the life in me There is one thing I love And that is him But no we are only meant to be friends So let it rain Let it pour And wash the feeling I had before So I can be clean and free to grow And feel the feelings I used to know But not with him Him, my friend Who I onced loved, Still love now. To feel the feeling of love once more But not with the man I love, but the man I adore.

So I fixed everything. I found a way to make everything work. He seemed so much better. But last night was scary. We went to Lincoln and it took almost two hours because of the snow. The competition was scary. They didn't even do a costume change. I didn't get to sit by him on the way there or back. Oh well. I'll sit by him the WHOLE way to Davenport. Hopefully. I got him a carnation. He'll get it on monday. He got me a rose. :) I made him. lol. Whatever works. Well, I'm exhausted, two nights of show choir in a row...is too many. Goodnight.

He flipped. I've never seen him so pissed. It's not his fault really. They were pressed for time. He keeps blaming himself. But it was scary. He really flipped. He said he hated everything. So much for my hopes of going out for Valentine's-day. I just hope Morgan doesn't say anything to him. I hope nobody says anything. I was so happy, but now...it's okay. I'll get over it.

I wish I had your wings, so you could carry me away. Fly me away, to where I can belong. Send me away, to the moon, the stars Let me glide on your wings. Fly to your heart. But here I sit wingless, as you all fly. Fly away, fly high, and enjoy your freedom. I'll stay here and watch you in the sky, and wish and pray that I could glide on your wings. For everyone seems to be leaving the nest, flying away from me. SO alone, I'll sit and watch the sky. Maybe someday those wings will carry you home. Someday.