Why is it that everytime I try to do something, I put my whole heart into it and I want it so badly, I get nothing? But when I don't really care I get everything? Sure, the musical would be fun, so I auditioned. I didn't care too much. I'm in the chorus. Woo-hoo. But I don't understand it. The thing I wanted more than anything is to stand on stage by myself and sing for an audiance. All I've ever wanted is to perform solo. I practiced so hard. I wanted it so badly. I've wanted to do cabaret night, singing a solo by myself ever since I saw everyone do it last year. I told myself: "that will be me." But it didn't happen. The stupid group I'm in made it, but I didn't care about that either. I just did that because someone asked me to. It's with 16 other people. Nowhere near a solo. I DON'T FUCKING GET IT!!! Why does this happen to me? Why is it I wanted and tried so hard for my audition to be in chamber singers and auditioned for show choir because I was asked to and I make show choir but I didn't make chambers? Why!?!? Everyone says I'm so good. But appearently I just suck at life...