That is so hillarious......... pwahaahaahaahaaaaaaa.......... So, very pathetic, I cant believe it, I never thought they could be so garrilous...... It's rather.... comforting in a humorous kind of way...... Hah! Dont make me laugh...... Haa haa...... im sorry to late for that my little pathetic fools of puppetry. Puppet strings, puppet strings, dance for me my little slaves. It amuses me to see who all bows down to me at my every whime. My control is absurd in the eyes of the beholder. All to easy........ it almost..... feels like a set up.... but I know it's not, my persuasion is just that strong. Oh well, it had to come to this someday. My personal magnitism is just to perfect for my own good you see. Those who cannot see are blinded by their own ignorance, and it's not my fault I can exploit that to my fullest extent. It's.... quite.... positively perfect. Madness, it's quite exquisite you see, nothing can replace it's magnitude. All to easy.......... All, to easy...

I miss Kari :( She was always the coolest, but she's never around anymore.

Goddamn im stupid..... Im such an idiot. I cant believe I did that to her last night. After thinking about what I said to her, I realized, when I get upset and mad, im just ranting and raving like a little child who cant have his own way. It really is pathetic for me to act that way. Im really sorry Aimee.... Please forgive me....... again........

Dreams can really suck sometimes. If good dreams are supposed to be, well dreams, and scarey dreams are nightmares, then what are sad, depressing dreams supposed to be? Emo dreams? In any case, I hate them, and I hate feeling depressed all day because of them. It makes life sucky and fills your head with bad thoughts that make you feel even worse! ughhhhhhhhhhhhh...............

Wave to the sexy cat girl everyone, she's saying hi! **Waves to the kawaii kitty** Well it's been a LONG time since my last post so I figured what the hell. Nothing really new in my life since my last post, just started school again, half way through this semester. Im all proud of myself, I got a B on my first Windows XP Administration exam last night. Why am I proud? Cause my lazy ass didnt even study for it. I studied maybe 10 out of 42 questions, and I still got 34 out of 42 questions right, and I got a grade of 81%! I was expecting to get like a C or a D, so, good job for me! Those exams are brutal too, each question is a paragraph long, and you have to choose which action to take to correct the problem as an administrator for companies and such. **Whew** im glad thats over. I finally went on a date since my last serious relationship ended. Her name is Salina, and after one date, we pretty much stopped talking, or rather, she stopped talking to me. I don't know why, I didnt do anything wrong, unless being my normal self is wrong lol. It's funny cause when we first met, we hung out and talked for 5 hours, just getting to know eachother, and we had A LOT in common, we experienced many of the same things in life, and possess the same attitude towards treating people right and what not. So everything was cool, the next night we went out on a date, it's now been almost a week and she hasn't talked to me at all. I saw her in the hallway at school, and said hi, she just said hi, and kept walking like I was a stranger saying hi. So, I dont get that. Women **rolls eyes** She has my number, and I have hers, I tried calling her a few times within the last 6 days and she answered but after 1 minute she said she had to go and made up some crappy excuse, so I guess thats the end of that. Maybe she found a more interesting guy, I dunno. Stupid crap like this makes me wish I was still in a relationship with Aimee. So, now I'm here, just kickin it, about to have a beer or two. My brother came back from Austin a couple days ago from visiting his olf friends from high school. I remember those guys, but not very well considering the last time I saw them, I was about 9 years old. Anyway, one of them, Earl, works for Dell in Austin, and my brother said after I graduate, I should move to Austin because Earl could hook me up with a job. He basically does the same thing I will be doing after college. He makes 20 bucks an hour, works about 45-50 hours a week, so that would be a nice pay check! Austin is a cool city too, so I may consider it. When I make my decision to move however, it wont be based on that, it will be based on many things like what part of the country I want to live in, who I want to be close to, and whether or not I get a job BEFORE I move there basically. My brother is FINALLY in a serious relationship, after being a man-whore for the last 4 years basically haa haa..... That playa has dated EVERY woman in Silver City in all the time he has been there, and he kinda has a rep for being a player somewhat. Recently he met a girl named Amanda, and he is serious about her, so serious infact he said if she moved to Phoenix after graduating from college coming up soon, he'd go with her, no questions asked. It's hillarious too cause when he went to Austin, he took her pajama pants with him, with her perfume on it. He said he liked to cuddle up with them and smell them to remind him of her. Me being a guy, I gave him shit for it, that was funny. His friend Larry in Austin also messed with him over it he told me haa haa. Im happy for him, but it's fun giving him a hard time. Hell, id do the same thing, so I dont have any room to talk lol. Well thats about it for now, nice long entry for my miraculous return!!

The new Gorillaz CD is awesome, I just bought it on a wim(sp) not knowing any of the songs, except Feel Good Inc. which was the song they have on one of those Ipod commercials. I miss their older CD, I should buy that one again. I dont even remember the name of that song but it's the one where they say they have sunshine in a bag. Well I have been MIA for a couple days, problems with our DSL. Their networks in our area went down or something like that cause DSL is still fairly new in our particular area, so I've been without internet for the last couple days. Other than that dont have much news in my life right now other than the usuall. My friend Ray is moving to California in three weeks, so later on this week were gonna throw a big farewell bash for him, so that will be cool. Peace everyone!

Well not much going on right now, Basically school is over till the fall semester starts. I decided I wanted to change my major from computer programming to be a PC support technician. Luckily sense it is still in the Computer Technology program, I wont have to take a bunch of extra classes, and the classes I have taken thus far will still go towards my change. After some thinking I decided I wouldnt really be happy, or have fun just programming computers all day. I would feel more satisfied knowing I was helping out a bunch of people every day with their computer problems. And id get to talk to and meet new and different people everyday. Well, im still training, Monday I finally started my cardiovascular training. Of course im still meditating, and it feels really good, relieves my stress so well and gives me such an energy boost do to the ki building methods. Well, another anime series comes to an end for me. The other day I bought the last DVD for Yu Yu Hakusho, and to my surprise, I had no idea those were the last episodes, so it kinda caught me unexpectedly. Very nice ending to the series though, very emotional, touching, and very well put together. It was kinda weird how Enki ended up winning the demon tournament, I figured if Yusuke hadnt won, Yomi or Makuro would have, but Enki did, and that was kinda funny. But he made a good ruler of demon world, making the new rule that demons will no longer cause trouble in human world, so the realms will live in peace with one another. The ending of YYH was much better than the end of Dragonball Z, DBZ was kinda fucked up the way Goku just left his family all alone to go train that little indian boy Uub. Sure he was Kid Buu's reincarnation but still. YYH had 112 episodes all together, which may sound long to some, but that seemed very VERY short to me. I suppose thats because DBZ has 291 episodes, and dragged most of its main battles out longer so it was different. And yes, I know I sound like a major geek going on about these anime series and their endings and what not, but what can i say, im an anime junky, and I will miss not having anymore new Yu Yu Hakusho sagas to watch. Oh well, at least there is still InuYasha, until another new series comes along that I get interested in like those. Paranoia Agent and S-Cry-ed are ok, but im not really..... "loyal" to watching those ones. I also lost interest in Read Or Die after a while, but that was a good one. One Piece sucks, I dont see how it has so many fans. I guess fans of One Piece could say the same about DBZ or YYH, but whatever. Gash Bell is ok too, but a lil to childish for me. I have to watch the more adult animes, and no i dont mean hentai :P Ok, my geeky lil anime portion of this entry is over haa haa... But, speaking of Japanese culture and old time traditions, yesterday I was talking to my mom about the ancient Samurai ritual known as Hara-Kiri. Those of you who dont know, Hara-Kiri (Also used in Mortal Kombat Deception) literally translates to "Honorable Suicide" The Samurai would commit Hara-Kiri infron of their temple members as an honorable way of death. Normally they would take their sword and thrust it into their thigh and sever the major artery in their leg, bleeding to death. Why would they do this? See to understand Samurai, and ancient Japanese culture in general, you need to understand their ways of life, their religions, and their thoughts on the after life. Samurai would live and die by the sword. They would live and die for honor. If a Samurai lost so many battles to an enemy (Most of the time if they lost 2 battles in a row), or if they felt they disgraced their samurai heritage and principles, as well as a number of other reasons, they would commit a Hara-Kiri, as a way of honorable death to the other side. See, they see that as HONOR, not cowardess, and not a sin. See, my mother thought that was stupid, and a way of being a coward. And it's fine if she thinks that, or if any of you who read this thinks that, but the samurai did not see it that way, they saw it as honor in it's purest form. She also thought it was dumb because I brought up the fact that had they lost twice in a row in battle, and were lucky enough to escape with their lives, they would still commit Hara-Kiri. My mom was all "Well whats the point, if they wanna die, why not just let their enemy kill them in battle?" I had to explain to her that that wasnt the point. Samurai did not commit Hara-Kiri only to simply take their own life. It was a ritual, a ritual passing if you will. It was a celebration of honor, strength, and belief in your vows as a samurai warrior. Sure, many samurai back in the old times did die by theor enemies sword, but if they were able to, they would escape with their life, so they could control their own fate in an honorable fashion. If anyone thinks thats stupid, thats fine, thats your opinion. But seeing as how im into Japanese culture, both past and present, I find the way of the samurai, and their Hara-Kiri principles to be very unique, brave, and yes, honorable. Wow, how many times have I used the word honor in this subject? :P Dont get me wrong, I dont wish to practice Samurai ways, and id never kill myself for any reason, thats just not who I am, or what I believe in. But I do respect the samurais way of life, and I wont say it's stupid. I do however feel if one commits suicide because they just cant deal with life anymore, so they jump off a building or whatever, that is dumb. It's a waste of life, and a very cowardly way to leave this world. However a samurai does not commit Hara-Kiri because they simply cant "deal with life" as my mom said "Ohh so they lose twice in a row, so they just go kill themselves" lol, that was funny when she said that, because she does not understand. Thats not what it's about. To those of you still reading this and your not bored to death yet, I know it can be hard to understand, and you may not understand why I think its honorable, yet normal everyday suicide is not, but in order for you to understand the way I feel about all that youd really have to understand the culture, and the meanings behind it all. Even though I explained it somewhat in this entry, I know it's still hard to understand for some of you, so.... yeah! Ok, well thats all for now, I gotta eat dinner soon, then go to my friend Jennifers house and see what shes up to. I havent talked to her in a lil over a week so I should go see her. Im definately not ever gonna talk to her about that samurai stuff, she seems to HATE anything Japanese, or Asian in general. She isnt really racist per say, but she isnt a fan of Japanese culture, and that would just end up in a bad argument haa haa. I still think it's funny she actually believes the Japanese CREATED anime ONLY to hypnotize Americans into hating America and getting revenge for Hiroshima in World War 2. Thats just retarded lol.... Shes living in the past man! That shit happened 60 freakin years ago, and those who were in power back then are either dead now from old age, or not in power any longer. The majority of Japan and it's citizens dont hate Americans. Japanese people go wild when American sports go there to perfrom for them. When WWE goes to Japan, all the people are just so happy and so respectful to the wrestlers, it's really awesome. Id love to live in Tokyo someday. OK, NOW im done :P peace everyone! Domo!

Well I finally got my license renewed! It's about damn time! Seems like that took forever. Funny thing though, they renewed my license without me having to pay my ticket. I was planning on paying it at the DMV, but I hadn't noticed that it said I couldn't, and I had to go to court to pay it. See, usually the DMV will not renew someones license if they owe money from a citation, but to my surprise, they gave me my new license anyway, so im not even gonna pay that stupid ticket. Fuuucccckkkk thhaaaaatttttt! I mean I WILL pay it someday, but not right now. I would like to pay it within a years time though. I have other things to buy with 160 dollars than pay a dumb ticket. Like yesterday I bought 3 new CD's, 2 DVD's, and a used Gamecube game, which was a bargain at only 6 bucks for the game; so yeah, I definitely have better things to do with my money right now than pay a ticket. Bench warrants aren't a big deal, so im not worried about it. One of the CD's I got was Mudvaynes Lost and Found, good CD! The other two CD's are ones I had before, but sold on Ebay not realizing I couldn't burn them at the time, NIN's With Teeth, and Dave Matthews Bands Stand Up, so im glad to have them back. This time around I will sell them back on Ebay again to make some of my money back, only this time I have an audio ripper on my computer so I will have the backups needed to burn them to CD-R when I go out and buy some more. So AGAIN I will make some of my money back by selling the original CD's on Ebay, and still have the music. The DVD's I got were Dragonball Z Movie 7: Super Android 13, and the newest Yu Yu Hakusho DVD "Dreams of Power", and the demon tournament is kicking major ass so far! Go King Urameshi! The game I got was "ESPN MLS Extratime 2002" seems like a cool soccer game. In other news me and Aimee are friends now. I'm really glad she agreed to stay my friend even after I got mad and yelled at her saying id never speak to her again. Aimee, YOU are also a really good friend. I'm really sorry about everything we have both gone through since the 5th of July. We broke up, I said some things, you said some things, most of which we didn't mean, so im glad we can put it all in the past, move on and be best friends, kinda like Jerry and Elaine from Seinfeld haa haa. Most people in the world who used to date do not stay friends, so that's why I made that comparison. Broken hearts, frustration, anger, asking "Why this, and why that?" often times causes those people to truly hate eachother, so, im really happy we are not like that. All I know is that I need Aimee in my life, whether as my gf or my best friend, I hope she will always be a part of my life, and I know she feels the same way, despite the reason we broke up. You know I still love you Aimee, always have, always will, and I know you still love and care about me as a good friend. :) Well that's all for today, peace everyone!

Well today was.......interesting I must say. To help cope, deal with, and to take my mind off of my recent troubles, I decided to start training again, like I used to..... I must say getting back into that routine again has already improved my spirit. Yes, I am still depressed, hence the way I feel, split..... Im depressed but yet at the same time because of my calming meditations I have a kind of uplifting attitude. It's hard to explain, but it is kind of like.... well....... Yin and Yang I would have to say. One half of me is down in the dumps, the other half is soothed and light. Also when i meditated, I felt the same way I did before i got lazy and stopped months ago. I must say it feels quite....... invigorating to know my ki is still somewhat in tact even after months of inactivity. I feel if I keep training I will quickly surpass where I left off, and then who knows. During my thought process when i got lost in meditation, I felt that after all i've gone through in my life up to this point, has only made me stronger, the good, the bad, and the knowledge i contain thus far in my life. After I got done, I sat outside for a while, staring up at the sky, and I thought to myself, I have to keep with it, I have to go back to the way I was before! Nothing in this life matters except your own strength, and now I have no attachments and no distractions to hold me back. I must continue to train so that I may potentially cure my diabetes with my own energy, and live a longer, stronger life. I wish there was a way for a person to truley measure their ki. I would think normal everyday people would have a ki level of about 4-5...... So I would just ASSUME for now mine back when I was regularly training would have been about 10-15. Of course that is all just speculation, im probabaly not even close. Although, I also need to start getting rid of my gut, so that will also become part of my training soon. I miss being skinny and somewhat toned like I was a year ago, getting lazy and going away for 3 months can kinda do it to ya I guess. Sorry to talk about this stuff so much, but it truely is helping me, more than expected. -------------------------------------------- I cant believe terrorists attacked London today! Thats fuckin nuts! Now there will be twice as many english troops in Iraq than there was before. Only 30-40 people died, which is nothing compared to 9-11, but over 300 were wounded, and they stopped two bombs that never went off, so im glad the death toll wasnt any larger. Terrorists, always gotta ruin everyones goddamn day! Thats all, peace everyone!

Well looks like me and Aimee are no more....... 8 and a half months down the drain, why? Because she decided she likes that goddamn faggot again that I thought was out of the picture a few weeks ago.... So yeah, Aimee broke my heart again......... She doesnt love me anymore, she wants to be with some faggy metal head dude, so thats basically it. She dumped me like a pile of trash, and thats what I feel like, pure trash. I thought we were so much in love but all along, I see it was never true, for one of us at least...... All the sweet things she has said to me in the course of our relationship, and vice versa........ I wonder exactly how much of it from her was truely REAL.... So thats it...... finito, kaput, she doesnt love me now, what else is there to say......... I still love her, but..... you know that doesnt matter to anyone so, whatever...... No Surprise.... yes, thats my song for our break up...... Because ohhhhhhh that bitch is leavin meeeeeeee..... and i am gonna drink my ass to sleep.

Well im back, after the ISP I had screwed up so bad I had to get another, and we may get DSL soon but I dunno, im tired of dial up crap. My girl Aimee says the most hillarious things sometimes, I guess part of that is my fault, but i like it when she does that, it's cute and makes me laugh and i need to laugh after the last few days I've had. Peace!

Happy boy, thats me! Last night I received the greatest news of my life so far. Me and my girlfriend no longer have a third wheel to worry about. He is gone, out of the picture, and now it's just me and her, like it should be. I love Aimee so much and im so happy she realized she wants to be with me, and only me. This stupid break is over, and I couldnt be happier!! LOVE YOU SO MUCH AIMEEEEEEEEEE!!!! MY GREATEST LOVE! :) I hope I meet her aunt someday, she helped make this happen, and I would like to thank her for making me the happiest guy on earth right now! In other news, my friend Jennifer made me stay over kinda late last night till her son Keith came home. She was worried about him because he was supposed to be home MUCH EARLIER. She didnt wanna be alone worrying so she asked me to stay, so I did, Keith came home at about 12:30am, and Jennifer started yelling and wondering what the hell happened and I took off cause hearing Jennifer yell is murder to your ears i swear lol. I talked to my friend Ray a couple days ago, I wont go into great detail, but lets just say, the guy Ray beat the crap out of last week because he was sleeping with his GF, they are now friends lol...... Turns out his so called "girlfriend" was cheating on BOTH of them with another guy, a much older guy. They basically said "Fuck that whore she can have the old guy" and became friends for sharing their hatred for the dumb bitch lol, isn't that some crazy shit? You know, Ray is my friend and im sorry he had to go through that with that girl, but all I can say is Aimee and I may have had our problems, but AT LEAST Aimee loves and cares for me enough to not go sleeping around with all these guys behind my back. Even this whole break thing and the other guy she was KINDA seeing, I knew about it the whole time. She told me everything from the beginning, which is MUCH MORE than I can say for that stupid whore Ray had to put up with lol. I hacked my PSP! lol..... I know that was random to say, but I did it! I hacked my PSP so that I can play Super Nintendo game roms on it through PSP made emulation. It's really awesome to be able to play games on my PSP without even owning ONE actuall PSP UMD game disc lol.... Soon I will be able to play Sega Genesis and Gameboy Advance roms on my PSP, and who knows, before you know it, maybe even Nintendo DS games. That would be nuts! I would like to own some REAL PSP games though, but im waiting till they go down in price. Right now I want Wipeout Pure, and MVP Baseball, but im not gonna spend 40 bucks a piece for them. As far as games costing over 40-50 bucks ive already bought plenty for that price for my Gamecube and im not gonna do that anymore either, unless it's a game I just HAVE TO HAVE RIGHT AWAY!!!!!! and cant just rent lol. For now I dont mind renting the PSP games, because I love the two games I listed but they arent must haves at the moment. The only Gamecube game I plan on buying when it first comes out will probabaly be WWE Day Of Reckoning 2 which will be out in August. Other than that, no more 40+ dollar games for me. Well thats all for now, happy days everyone, may love be in your hearts, I know it's in mine for damn sure ;) PEACE!

Sometimes, I wonder, what will the future be like..... At times I really dont know, at times im sure it will be great. Regardless of who is with me or around me, I wonder. I dont know sometimes. Will I even be alive 10 years from now? Due to my Diabetes and all............ Will I be able to be happy and provide for me and my family........ Will I live the life I want? Will I have a happy fulfilling life? Sometimes, I think about these things..... And I dont know why. As of now, im happy, I have Aimee, the love of my life, I have a job, im going to college to gain a professional well paying career, and I have a family of parents and relatives and siblings that loves and supports me. Yet still im not sure what the future will bring. Aimee: I know she loves me, I know she cares, and I know she is serious about marrying me someday and starting a family. But I sometimes wonder, what if we break up someday and things just dont work out. I love her sooooo much, despite what problems we have had in the past. Me liking Kari, her liking Chet, her being sick, me pushing her about her getting help for her sicknesses when she has them for more than a few weeks at a time, her being stubborn about them, me being pushy about them. I love her so much and want her to be my wife someday yet im still not sure what our future will bring. It saddens me to even think of us splitting apart, but as well with ANYONE in this world, it could happen between us someday. When we had those arguments over her and Chet, she even said we have to many problems, and even though we dont have problems ALL the time EVERY TIME, we do have problems sometimes, as does any couple. I just hope what propblems we have had, and MAY, not will, but MAY have in the future will not break us up because id be lost without her, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life. Yet I hate the fact she is sick and feels bad for several days at a time. Her and I both hope that will change when we are together in person, sleeping and cuddling in the same bed, in the same house, all a part of the same loving family, but what if it doesnt? What if I cant make her happy like we hope? As much as I love and worship my baby, I think about this. Id die for her if I had to, yet... what will become of us in the future..... I hope only good, great things will happen of course..... Aimee, baby, when you read this, dont get discouraged, dont get upset, dont get mad ok? please? You know I love you, and you know I am willing to spend the rest of my life with you, yet I still wonder......... I dont know if you do as well, but if you do, I understand, and if you dont, im sorry, please dont be upset, I love you, I really do. Some may say people cant help but wonder about all of the stuff ive mentioned so far, but some also say if you even think about that stuff, your not sure what you want and your not confident that all will be well in the long run. So I dont know what you will think Aimee...... Either you will think im normal for thinking about this stuff, or you will think im not confident in our love and our future together. As far as im concerned however, if this makes a difference to you, I am confident in our love, and I know we will always be together and be in love and start a family together and our future will be bright, and filled with passion, so please dont think that I THINK that im not confident about it...... I dont know why I think about that stuff, I just do...... I love you Aimee and i always will, always know that ok baby? Never lose sight of that and never think for a minute that i dont wanna spend the rest of my life with you, because I do..... I really REALLY do.............. I wanna live in our haunted house with gnomes in the front yard, and raise kids with you and all of that good stuff. I love you so much **hugs and kisses** My Job and college: Yeah well I cant say much about my job....... this job is just a filler till I get out of college. But it is nice to have a job to have some money to help pay my bills and buy stuff i want for me and my baby Aimee when i send her my lil gifts. I love sending Aimee gifts by the way, it makes me feel all mushy inside....... But sometimes I fear what if I had no job at all? What if i was a poor bastard with nothing to amount to? I speak of course when i get out on my own, and worse, with Aimee; because, I fear being a jobless bumb when me and Aimee are together. She would lose respect and love for me if I was a lazy bumb with no job. Like I said the job I have now is just a filler till I get out of college, followed by living with Aimee and starting a family, but even after college, what if something happens and I cant get work? for whatever reason, another thing I fear. I wanna work a great career and provide for my family, Aimee and my children would be everything that matters to me at that point, not video games, not anime, not unnecessary luxuries, those are all nice yes, but providing for them is all that matters to survive and have a good life. All those extras are always nice and would provide entertainment, but PROVIDING, and CARING FOR is all that matters. Of course if everything works out as planned after college, everything will be well, and we will be able to provide those nice lil luxuries in life to one another, but i still fear what if it doesnt work out, what if I can never land my career that ive been studying in school for the last couple years..... I just want life to be good for me, and Aimee when the day comes we do get married and live together. All I want is a happy household, and regardless of love and respect, you need money for that, and to get money you need a good job......Without money, love and respect dwindle, you begin to bicker and fight all the time, and end up in seperation, or worse, divorce. Thats the last thing id want for me and Aimee when we do get married and settle down. I just want a happy family.... Money = a happy family in the long run. What they say is true, money does make the world go round, and if you REALLY take time to think about it, it is true. My family, and relatives: Yes, they support me now, they care about me, but they wont always be around. Future generations will be yes, but the ones ive known growing up that have taken care of me, especially my parents, no they will not. And sometimes, it scares me to think what will happen if im left all alone in this world with no one to love me, no GF or wife, no job, and no family? I will wither away and die, like all of the poor homeless people who have lost all hope and are alone in the world these days. That is why I have to try, NO MUST not think about this stuff.... Aimee, my future career, and my future family WITH Aimee, as well as my present family that are still alive and kicking. I have to remain confident, and for the most part, I am, like i said, im happy, 99.9% of the time, but sometimes, just SOMETIMES, I think about the worst most possible outcomes for me, and well, not just me but I guess anyone could end up like this. And I know it makes me sound weak, and unconfident about all this stuff in the positive, but I am confident, and I know things will work out deep down in my heart. But im only human, sometimes a man or a woman has to stop and think about this stuff. The world can be a cold place, but it can also be a warm, calming place..... It all just depends on how you think about it and expect things to work out, and how they WILL work out as time goes by. I may sound odd for saying that last part just now, but again, I am confident, I know Aimee loves me as I love her, we have a great relationship, and we are in love, despite any problems we have had..... I know I will have a great career someday, and provide for myself and my loved ones, and I know in some way or form I will always have family to love and support me, but as a living breathing human, I have fears and what ifs........ Thats..... human behavior...... Ok well im done now, im sorry for boring all of you, and Aimee, I LOVE YOU BABY! **hugs and kisses** You are my everything, and always will be, again please dont be upset or discouraged by all ive said in this entry. Other than being a normal, feeling, thinking human, I still... just dont know why I have these fears and what not, guess im just stupid...... You know you mean everything to me! Your my baby! Peace everyone, im out!

I cant believe that faggot Jackson got off AGAIN with this shit. How many more times will he need to be accused before he finally gets convicted? 5-10 more times over the next 20 years? Jackson supporters are blind, the jury was blind People are just stupid. Id like to see the jurors response to an invitation by Jackson for all their kids to go to Neverland, do you think they would say "Ohh sure, we said you werent guilty so we'll drop them off for the weekend at your ranch, no problem Jacko!" Yeah fucking right. All of the supporters of Jackson are brain dead, always have been always will. "Ohh well people are just trying to screw him over for his money!" Yeah, ok, whatever fucktards. Let me explain something to you simple minded folk out there....... He was first accused of this in 93, paid 20 million dollars to that boy and his family, what INNOCENT man would do that huh? No one would, I wouldnt, you wouldnt, so try to express sensible logic with that why dont ya? You cant, I know...... Then in late 2004, he was accused again.... now i ask you, if people were REALLY TRUELY trying to screw him over, why would the two accusations happen 11 FREAKIN YEARS APART FROM ONE ANOTHER!??? Sorry people that doesnt add up. MAYBE.... JUST MAYBE had he been accused in 94, then again in 95, one to two years apart from the first time, then yes, I MAY consider him innocent and just people wanting to screw him over, but 11 years apart? Sorry that just doesnt happen. Thats like another woman saying Clinton had an affair with her 5 years from now, it wont happen. people tried to screw Clinton over within the first couple years after the Lewinsky thing, not 11 years later...... See the difference? ahh i bet you dont, you supporters are to stupid, thats right. All I can say is pedophiles are compulsive in their behavior. Give it a few more years, it will happen again, may be 2 years, may be 5, may be another 10, but he will be back in court for it again someday, trust me, you can bank on that. And when it does happen again, all of you supporters will have to shut your idiotic mouths. But again, i ask you, how many more times will it take before he is sent to prison to be murdered by his inmates? 5-10 more accusations? 20-30 more child porn magazines in his possession? Maybe more? Ohh yeah thats another thing, non pedophiles DONT have child porn in their house, im sorry, normal people who are attracted to adults dont look at CP. I mean thats like me who loves women, looking at pictures of lil boys and lil girls, saying "Well yeah i jerk off to CP, but Im only attracted to adults, id never fuck a kid for real! Never even think about it, pictures dont hurt anyone, im not fucking them" yeah.... okkkkkk sick fuck. It all comes down to this, rich black men, dont go to jail. They had more evidence against O.J. and Jackson then they did on Scott Peterson, and look wheres Scotties at, sittin in prison right now. Now, I think he was guilty as well, fuck yeah Scott got what he deserved, they had the evidence, just not as MUCH as they did on O.J. and Jackson, BUTTTT if Peterson was a ricj black man, he'd be "scott" free right now. And, sure, call me racist if you want but im not making a racist remark, im stating a fact. I dont dislike black people, I dont hate any race of people, but you gotta admit rich black people dont go to jail, for anything, whether double homicide or child molestation, yet Martha Stewart, a rich white woman even went to jail for a year for her BS, which again I thought she was guilty to, so i dont disagree with her going to jail, butttt... i think O.J. should be dead by now by lethal injection, and Jackson should be in prison right now getting beaten the hell out of by his fellow inmates. Ok, well my rant is over, sorry if ive pissed anyone off, especially people I know. Jackson supporters, well I really dont care if ive pissed you off, I mean the OTHER NORMAL people who I may have made mad with my whole rich black people dont go to jail thing. If ive offended anyone, or mad you mad, im sorry, and please dont hold a grudge against me, and if ive pissed anyone off that I know, and is my friend, then i apologize, and I hope you dont hate me, but thats my opinion and I will apologize if I make you mad, but I will not change my opinion. ANYWAY, thats all I have for now, I just needed to rant for a few minutes, I really dont have anything else to say accept im sorry to Aimee for not being around last night, I was at Ray's house and I ended up falling asleep while watching a movie in his comfortable black leather recliner, and i didnt wake up till 5am, went home, and went directly to bed, So sowwy Aimee baby :( **hugs** talk to you tonight though! Love ya!

Yeah, Whips and handcuffs are great. Aimee and I have so much fun with them. Tonight was a lot of fun with my dream girl. I love it when shes naughty, who doesnt love a girl thats into bondage and stuff? I love you Aimee, my naughty naughty bad girl! **spank** :P Well, I finally got to meet and talk to Aimees "girlfriend" Shayna lol. She's pretty cool, and she is one of Aimee's few friends that approve of me, so im glad we could meet. Stay cool Shayna! Tomorrow, I hope to FINALLY get that star wars movie downloaded at Jennifers house. I swear the things I go through just to download a fan made film ONLY because I like Star Wars so much. Ok well thats all for now, laters my peeps!

Yes, im feeling lackadaisical, and for those who dont know what it means lol, it means easy-going, laid back etc... Sounds like a word Snoop Dogg would use, "Fashizzle my nizzle feelin lackadaisical baby" lol We got a new cat to add to our happy family of fools lol. He is a little 5 week old black and white kitten I named Spooky, and, yes, believe what you hear, he can transform into a demon cat and will kill you on my command lol. Ok so maybe that was a tad lame, but oh well! He is a crazy ass cat, even for 5 weeks. Well I went to Jennifers house today and tried to get Star Wars revelations downloaded and it was 50 MB into the dl when Mcafee came up and cleaned away spyware and junk and now her computer is acting screwy. I really hope I didnt get her computer infected with a virus. She said not to worry about it because her cable internet provider has a good anti-virus program, as well as McAfee, so thats good, but I still hope i didnt screw her computer up. Her computer is 5 years old, so that may be the problem, I dunno, I never get viruses, and my computer never acts weird and I only have one anti-virus program. ANYWAY It probably isnt a virus but id feel bad if it was. But hey Jennifer doesnt go to school anymore, she graduated 2 years ago, and she doesnt go online very often at all, so she doesnt really need her computer anyway lol :P And Pengy (Aimee) finally got my letter and the movie and CD i sent her. Im glad she liked my letter and the Tom Jones CD, The Exorcist I already knew she wanted so I knew she'd like that. Now I can wait for another letter from her! :) <3

Ok, so this guy, his wife and some friends created, wrote, directed, and starred in this fan made Star Wars film called Star Wars Revelations. I saw it on Attack Of The Show just now, and it's a non-profit film so yes it's legal to download it off the net. The movie looks great for a fan made/home made film. The guy has all kinds of special effect programs on his computer so it looks almost as good as the real SW movies. He said it cost him roughly 20,000 dollars to make this movie, it took 3 years to finish, and he is giving it away for free, simply because he doesnt own the rights to Star Wars so he legally cant profit off of it. The movie is about 45 minutes long. Anyway, anyone who wants to download this movie here is the link: http://www.nethider.com/cgi-bin/nph-nethider.pl/010110A/http/www.fileplanet.com/152834/150000/fileinfo/Star-Wars-Revelations Seeing as how I am one of the few people left on earth with a slow ass dial up connection, I am gonna wait till tomorrow, go to Jennifers house, and download it on her cable internet, which will only take about 10 minutes to dl, as compared to 5 days on my dial up lol.... Sad aint it? Well, thats all for now, im off because wrestling starts in an hour. laters for now!

This is life in a nutshell: You are born You go to school You grow up You get a job You fall in love You get married You have kids You grow old You retire You die 10 essential points of life, in a tiny lil nutshell. Minus the getting married and having kids for gay people, unless it is legal for them to get married where they live, and the adopt; if so, it applys to them as well I suppose. Them wacky gay folk! lol :P Well today was ok, I actually got my parents to watch an anime movie with me today! Which is pretty amazing considering they dont like anime, or animated stuff much at all. The reason I asked them to watch it was because last night my father watched and recorded Bambi, yes Bam FREAKIN Bi. Only reason he likes that movie is because it was made when he was a lil boy and he remembers watching it in the movies when he was like 6 years old. How does this apply to the anime movie I had them watch? The movie was Princess Mononoke, and I told him it had animals in it SORT OF like Bambi, but much more adult, more dark, with death and bloodshed, dont see that im Bambi, not even when his mother gets shot lol..... Anyway, Princess Mononoke is one of my most favorite movies of all time. It features animals that are rulers, gods, and beast warriors who try to protect the forrest from humans. The animation is beautiful, makes me emotional it's so beautiful and realistic. The movies characters are casted with some of the most famous actors of our time such as Gillian Anderson as the voice of the Wolf God Morrow, Billy Crudup as Ashitaka, Mini(sp) Driver as Lady Eboshi, Billy Bob Thorton as the monk Jigo, Keith David as the Boar god Lord Ekoto, Claire Daines as San (Princess Mononoke), and so on. It's a great movie and I could spend the next hour explaining what it's about but I wont waste you peoples time. I would suggest renting it or better yet BUYING it and watching it as soon as possible that movie is the best! Even anti-anime fans like this flick. My friend Jennifer who REALLY hates anime, to the point she gets racist against Japanese people liked this movie. I got another game for my PSP, Wipe Out Pure, that game is freakin awesome, it's a racing game like F-Zero but better because you can shoot missiles and other weapons and stuff at your opponents to slow them down and destroy them. Well my weekend is over, tomorrow I must go back to work while Aimee gets Monday and Tuesday off, lucky Aimee :P lol. Laters all!

I know Aimee will appreciate this so here goes..... GOD!! IDIOT!! (Napolean) Anyway, I say that because i am an idiot.... Aimee and I have such a great relationship and we try to make things go as well as possible. We are sweet to eachother, we joke around, we get romantic, we have fun..... and then I have to go and do something to make things uncomfortable and upsetting between us.... Get it, it's my fault, not hers... Im such a dumbass. Tonight I found out that Ishy has her microphone online, and i wanted to hear Aimee say hi to me, and she was nervous and scared to say anything, and I had to be a big freakin idiot and get all upset and make her feel bad and when she did say something, she said she was sorry, and I had already turned my mic off so i didnt even hear her say it. Whats worse is when she did finally say something she said she was sorry, all because of me acting like a jerk....... We settled it and everythings ok now, but god I still feel bad for doing that to her. It's just I lover he sweet voice so much and all i wanted to hear was a simple hello and she didnt wanna do it, so what do i do? I make a big deal out of it and acted like a jerk to her... and for that im sorry, so very sorry, and I know ive said it a hundred times to her already, and even though it's settled and we have moved on, again im sorry Aimee and I hope you dont hold this against me in the long run. I realize now that she was nervous, and her and her sister both are like that as Ishy explained to me, but I was so upset at the time of the argument i didnt completely realize it till afterwards when I said I was sorry. Anyway.... I know Aimee loves me, I know she cares about me, I know she loves talking to me, and I know when we are together in person she will talk to me and we will carry on great conversations like we do in chat, so, I over reacted big time and for that im a dipshit.... I'm just sooo thankful I have a girl that puts up with my crap and loves me as much as she does, any other woman would have left me and told me to fuck off by now. She is so patient with me, and for that i am truely grateful. Dont get me wrong people, we dont have problems or argue ALL THE TIME, but when we do, which isnt very often, it seems to always be my fault, im the one that makes a big deal out of something, so to you Aimee my baby, thank you so much for putting up with me when i get like that. I know we have a great relationship, but still I need to work on not making a big deal out of small crap. I love you so very much and i'd hate to lose you someday because i over react to something stupid and you have had enough and tell me to fuck off. Id just wanna die if that ever happened...... So, again im sorry and I promise I wont make a big deal out of stupid crap anymore, from now on it will just be me and you, having fun and being happy together, forget this trivial bullcrap I get upset over.... GOD (Napolean again) Ok well, now that i got that off my chest, I dont really have anything else to say. I could go on and on about how much I love Aimee and how happy and grateful I am to be with her, but i've said it a million times already so like Aimee herself said "Wont people get bored if you keep talking about that all the time?" lol.... so yeah... Aimee knows how much I love and appreciate her, and im sure you other people would get bored hearing me talk about it alllll the time so..... Only thing I have to say for this entry is about her though, I wrote a letter back to her and will send it to her tomorrow morning, along with a couple gifts :) I hope she will like them. Unfortunately I dont have a lot of money to buy her anything expensive, but I know she will like them, how? well I wont say cause she is going to read this entry and I dont wanna give the surprise away lol... Ok well thats all I have for now, I love you Aimee, and I always will, and again im sorry for being a jerk about stupid crap sometimes, I promise I wont do it anymore. Laters people!

Yeah, sorry, I cant think of a good title. Well today was ok I guess. Didnt do much, the usuall, work and school, hung out with Jennifer and let her kids play with my PSP. We will all go see Star Wars Episode 3 this weekend, which will be my thrid viewing of the movie. Jennifer likes Star Wars, but she is kinda poor, and with two kids well she cant really afford to go to the movies all that often, so we are gonna go halves. I will pay for myself and Keith her oldest son, and she will pay for herself and her other son Cody. My baby Aimee finally got a job, YAY AIMEE! She is happy now that she has work and im happy for her. I just hope it doesnt interfere with our time together. Im sure it wont, but im happy for her none the less, she needs money like everyone else! :) I just hope Heath doesnt mess with her, it's bad enough he hits on her sister Katie. Well, thats all for now, im going to bed, im tired and i gotta go to work in a few hours so laters all!