Well today was.......interesting I must say. To help cope, deal with, and to take my mind off of my recent troubles, I decided to start training again, like I used to..... I must say getting back into that routine again has already improved my spirit. Yes, I am still depressed, hence the way I feel, split..... Im depressed but yet at the same time because of my calming meditations I have a kind of uplifting attitude. It's hard to explain, but it is kind of like.... well....... Yin and Yang I would have to say. One half of me is down in the dumps, the other half is soothed and light. Also when i meditated, I felt the same way I did before i got lazy and stopped months ago. I must say it feels quite....... invigorating to know my ki is still somewhat in tact even after months of inactivity. I feel if I keep training I will quickly surpass where I left off, and then who knows. During my thought process when i got lost in meditation, I felt that after all i've gone through in my life up to this point, has only made me stronger, the good, the bad, and the knowledge i contain thus far in my life. After I got done, I sat outside for a while, staring up at the sky, and I thought to myself, I have to keep with it, I have to go back to the way I was before! Nothing in this life matters except your own strength, and now I have no attachments and no distractions to hold me back. I must continue to train so that I may potentially cure my diabetes with my own energy, and live a longer, stronger life. I wish there was a way for a person to truley measure their ki. I would think normal everyday people would have a ki level of about 4-5...... So I would just ASSUME for now mine back when I was regularly training would have been about 10-15. Of course that is all just speculation, im probabaly not even close. Although, I also need to start getting rid of my gut, so that will also become part of my training soon. I miss being skinny and somewhat toned like I was a year ago, getting lazy and going away for 3 months can kinda do it to ya I guess. Sorry to talk about this stuff so much, but it truely is helping me, more than expected. -------------------------------------------- I cant believe terrorists attacked London today! Thats fuckin nuts! Now there will be twice as many english troops in Iraq than there was before. Only 30-40 people died, which is nothing compared to 9-11, but over 300 were wounded, and they stopped two bombs that never went off, so im glad the death toll wasnt any larger. Terrorists, always gotta ruin everyones goddamn day! Thats all, peace everyone!