Sorry I dont update everyday Aimee and Ishy! :P Well yesterday was fun, me, my brother, and my mom went to El Paso, Texas (45 miles away from my town, Las Cruces, New Mexico) to go gambling at the Sunland Park Racetrack and Casino. Like MOST gamblers i was doing well at first. I put a 20 dollar bill into a 25 cent slot machine, which gave me 80 credits, by the time I was done at that particular slot, I was up to 150 credits, and I cashed out. Pretty good considering I was only 10 credits away from doubling my money from 20 dollars to 40 dollars in less than 10 minutes. So I ended up making $17.50 extra to be exact so I started with 20 and got 37.50 ANYWAY I went to a few different machines, and pretty much lost it all in about 20 minutes lol. I was stupid, I should have just stayed at the good slot and kept making more money, but I got bored sitting at the same machines, so I went drifting around looking for an even better paying one, which is a gamble in itself. When i went back to the good one, BIG surprise someone else was occupying it and had up to 280 credits! I dont know how much money they put in there to start out with, but if they put in a 20, or even worse a 10 dollar bill which is only 40 credits and went all the way up to 280, i screwed myself big time! Ahh, oh well, I go gambling for fun anyway, I dont go expecting to hit it big and walk away with a lot of money or anything lol. But it would have been NICE to turn my 20 bucks into 70 bucks with 280 credits! All I can say is it's a good thing there are no casinos in Las Cruces, cause I would probabaly go all the time and become a compulsive gambler losing all my money all the time. It's just so addicting, I didnt wanna leave when my bro and mom did but we did anyway, good thing to cause thats 20 extra bucks that i didnt blow. If I ever do move to a city that has casinos, and trust me about 90% of big cities in the U.S. do have casinos, I will just have to control myself and not become addicted to it, cause being a compulsive gambler is just as bad as being addicted to cocaine, it's not good for you, or your wallet to do it ALL THE TIME! Well..... It's not really a good idea to do coke at all, not even once but you know what I mean. It's ok to go gambling once in a while but not all the time. Before we went to the casino we went to Fudruckers to eat lunch. For those of you who have never eaten at, or even heard of Fudruckers, yes, I know it's a funny ass name for a resturant, but that place FUCKIN ROCKS! Basically what they do is when you order a burger or chicken sandwich, or my favorite, the Ribeye steak sandwich, after your order is ready they call your name and the best part, you get to put your own vegetables, condoments, and such on it, so you can actually have it your way lol. They have this big ass table that has all the lettuce and tomato, onions, jalepenos, ketchup, mustard, maiyonaise, etc... all kinds of stuff. I know it sounds kind of lame just talking about it but it's really cool, you have to actually go to understand how cool it is. It's funny how something as simple as letting you put on your own stuff makes it so much better, and yes, even fun in a make your own sandwich fun kinda way haa haa. Not only that, but there food is really good, the steak sandwich I get is awesome, good cuts of meat, not crappy grissly, fatty pieces of meat like most fast food places have when you get a crappy steak sandwich. For 8 bucks they better give you a good piece of steak for a sandwich. They also have a game room, and a bar, so you can play video games and have a beer while your waiting for your order to be done, that adds to the fun. Everytime we go there, i always say "Alright people here we are, at RudFuckers!" lol. Wow.... I must love FudRuckers, look how much I typed about it! I typed so much it makes me look like a 300 pound fat bastard lol. Im not one though, however I do need to start working out again, im ALMOST at 200 pounds and I have a gut growing, but I am 6'5" so at that height im not really a fat ass, and I never plan on becoming one. I just need to get back into working out and meditating to get back into shape. It's funny, for some reason, the way my body is, my stomach is the ONLY thing that seems to "grow" with fat, my arms, my face, my legs, are not fat at all, so here I am with this skinny body and a lil fat gut..... Not very attractive in my opinion, but luckily I have a girl that doesnt care, and thinks I look fine so I guess im lucky to have such a great, beautiful GF who doesnt give a crap that I look like that. But even though she says she doesnt care, I know she would like it more if I were in shape again. She says she thinks guys with lil fat guts are cute, which may be true, but I also know she likes guys with flat, fit stomachs as well, so im sure she will like me more with a skinnier gut lol. No offense to my girlfriend, you know I love you babe, but I wouldnt get into shape just for her anyway, part of it is for her yes, but the main reason is for me, so I feel better about myself and am healthier. The only problem is im not a girl (Well I dont WANT to be a girl, that sounds so wrong on so many levels, but you know what I mean, i dont have a girls MENTALITY I should say) so im not all self concious about my weight all the time, so i never pay attention to my diet or worry about how fat im getting. You know what they say "Woman worry about how they look and how fat they are getting much more than most guys do." which is true, but i do think about it from time to time, and get disgusted with myself. A year ago from now I was in much better shape. When i met Aimee I was in better shape, but after about 3 weeks after I met Aimee I just got lazy, and stopped working out and stopped meditating on my ki. And before you make a joke about it AIMEE lol, NO, meeting you had nothing to do with me getting lazy, so it's not like i said "Ohh well I have a GF now, i think i'll get lazy and fat!" lol :P I would have gotten lazy whether I met you or not im sure. Soooooo yeah, long LONG story short, I do need to start working out again and get back into shape. And even though I know im not a FAT ASS, I know im starting to GET FAT and I need to correct that before I do get to 300 pounds, which would be really disgusting. I know for a fact my baby would not love me if i got that big, hell i wouldnt love myself either lol. Although one thing does puzzle me. I guess it has to do with confidence and saying the "right things at the right time" and what not, but it trips me out when I see these 3-400 pound dudes with skinny fine ass girlfriends hanging onto their BIG FAT arms lol. I could never see myself pulling that off, even though i do have some confidence. Fact is I have a skinny fine ass girlfriend right now, but if I got to 300 pounds or larger, I dont think shed be happy with me. I dont plan on going over 200 pounds, and my goal weight will probabaly be 140 pounds, and after I get some more muscle added on, then i will probabaly be back up to 200 pounds, but the GOOD kind of 200 with muscle not fat. As far as being muscular, Aimee already knows what I mean. I just want to be toned, like Jean Claude Van Damme toned. I dont want to be one of these big burly muscle heads, because it makes you slow, like in a fight I mean. Like they say the bigger they are the harder they fall, and most of the time, they do fall because they are big and bulky hence making them slow, to slow to avoid hits from an "advanced" fighter who is skinny and toned. Before anyone says anything like "Ohh so you wanna get into fights with big muscular dudes just cause they are slow?" take a chill pill. I bet Aimees friends would have a field day with that. What I mean is in martial arts/fight tournaments. If your to big and bulky, your to slow to be a good fighter, you may have power, but what good is power without speed. One of these days I would like to be in a fighting tournament to test out my skills and strengths as well as my weaknesses, and yes, win some prize money for being the winner or 2nd place runner up. One of my dreams is to go to Tokyo Japan and enter into the dark tournament known as the Kumatei(sp) Most people have heard about the Kumatei from the Jean Claude Van Damme movie Blood Sport, where he portrayed Frank Dukes and fought in the Kumatei. Anyone who has seen that movie knows it was based on a true story, Frank Dukes was a real person, from America who participated in the Kumatei tournament, so yes, it's a real world event. I would also like to sanction my very own tournament someday, get a license, and an arena to hold it at. But that wont be until im like in my 50's. As the owner I could not participate, unless i did a freindly exhibition match just to see how well some of the fighters in my tournament are, which means I would be fighting for no money, just honor, and well, perhaps to give the crowd what they wanna see. :P As far as martial arts and fighting in general go, I do not believe in exploiting it just for the fun of it, as in showing off to people in the streets out of no where; but when done in a martial arts tournament setting that is not showing off, nor is it simple exploitation. It is in fact, testing out your skills, comparing yourself to other warriors, and it is all about honor and respect, towards yourself and other fighters. But because it is considered a sport, and money is involved, there will always be an audience there to witness your skills, and some may see that as showing off or exploitation. Like breaking bricks with your fist, sure, an audience is there to see you perform, but MOST martial artists, the TRUE ones, do not do it to show off, they do it for the reasons I just listed a few sentences up. In other words, martial artists are not there to perform for the audience, they are there to test their skills and bestowe honor and respect upon themselves and their fellow fighters. Man oh man, when I get a simple thought in my head just to make a simple point, i end up typing a freakin essay explaining it to people. But lets admit it, most people do not understand the difference between showing off and being honorable, or testing their skills and performing for an audience for exploitation. Just to be a jackass someday, I should just set up in the middle of town someday, break some bricks with my fist and beat up some random person and say "Well i wasnt showing off, i was testing my skills on this old lady!" lol..... People would go nuts! Im just kidding people, I would never do that, because for one, well that is TRUELY being a jackass, and yes, that is infact showing off. See thats the difference between sanctioned martial arts tournaments, expressing honor, and just simply showing off in the streets. Understand everyone? good? good.... Only reason i spent so much time explaining all of this is because I get REALLY FREAKIN TIRED of people talking shit about martial artists in televised tournaments talking about how they are just showing off and exploiting themselves for money and women. That is NOT why they do it. Well I cant lie, some do, but they are not true martial artists, just jackasses whos egos are to big for their own good. Money is of course a factor, but not the main reason they do it, money is just a simple plus factor. Ok im done, anyone bored yet with my class on martial arts ethics? lol.... I can see it now, if Aimees friends read this part of my entry... "See Aimee we told you, look at him, he is so violent he wants to be in fighting tournaments!" lol... I could see them saying that... Ignorant fools. Out of everyone I know, or rather dont know, just heard about, they would be the ones who REALLY dont understand the difference between honor and showing off. Ok so some of you may be wondering why do some of my journal entries go from one topic to the next so suddenly? Like first I started talking about gambling, then started talking about how fat im getting then out of no where BAM I hit you with a speech about martial arts and tournaments lol.... Why do I do that? Well I dont really know either haa haa.... This stuff just enters my brain so I type about it, thats pretty much why. I guess my Journal title should be "Casino Gambling, Getting Fat, Martial Arts, And Whatever Else I Feel Like Talking About" ehh? :P Ok well my thoughts have become silenced, my brain is now in sleep mode. Aimee, Ishy, hows that for an update? now you have a book to read! lol.... So until next time, take care everyone!