Sometimes, I wonder, what will the future be like..... At times I really dont know, at times im sure it will be great. Regardless of who is with me or around me, I wonder. I dont know sometimes. Will I even be alive 10 years from now? Due to my Diabetes and all............ Will I be able to be happy and provide for me and my family........ Will I live the life I want? Will I have a happy fulfilling life? Sometimes, I think about these things..... And I dont know why. As of now, im happy, I have Aimee, the love of my life, I have a job, im going to college to gain a professional well paying career, and I have a family of parents and relatives and siblings that loves and supports me. Yet still im not sure what the future will bring. Aimee: I know she loves me, I know she cares, and I know she is serious about marrying me someday and starting a family. But I sometimes wonder, what if we break up someday and things just dont work out. I love her sooooo much, despite what problems we have had in the past. Me liking Kari, her liking Chet, her being sick, me pushing her about her getting help for her sicknesses when she has them for more than a few weeks at a time, her being stubborn about them, me being pushy about them. I love her so much and want her to be my wife someday yet im still not sure what our future will bring. It saddens me to even think of us splitting apart, but as well with ANYONE in this world, it could happen between us someday. When we had those arguments over her and Chet, she even said we have to many problems, and even though we dont have problems ALL the time EVERY TIME, we do have problems sometimes, as does any couple. I just hope what propblems we have had, and MAY, not will, but MAY have in the future will not break us up because id be lost without her, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life. Yet I hate the fact she is sick and feels bad for several days at a time. Her and I both hope that will change when we are together in person, sleeping and cuddling in the same bed, in the same house, all a part of the same loving family, but what if it doesnt? What if I cant make her happy like we hope? As much as I love and worship my baby, I think about this. Id die for her if I had to, yet... what will become of us in the future..... I hope only good, great things will happen of course..... Aimee, baby, when you read this, dont get discouraged, dont get upset, dont get mad ok? please? You know I love you, and you know I am willing to spend the rest of my life with you, yet I still wonder......... I dont know if you do as well, but if you do, I understand, and if you dont, im sorry, please dont be upset, I love you, I really do. Some may say people cant help but wonder about all of the stuff ive mentioned so far, but some also say if you even think about that stuff, your not sure what you want and your not confident that all will be well in the long run. So I dont know what you will think Aimee...... Either you will think im normal for thinking about this stuff, or you will think im not confident in our love and our future together. As far as im concerned however, if this makes a difference to you, I am confident in our love, and I know we will always be together and be in love and start a family together and our future will be bright, and filled with passion, so please dont think that I THINK that im not confident about it...... I dont know why I think about that stuff, I just do...... I love you Aimee and i always will, always know that ok baby? Never lose sight of that and never think for a minute that i dont wanna spend the rest of my life with you, because I do..... I really REALLY do.............. I wanna live in our haunted house with gnomes in the front yard, and raise kids with you and all of that good stuff. I love you so much **hugs and kisses** My Job and college: Yeah well I cant say much about my job....... this job is just a filler till I get out of college. But it is nice to have a job to have some money to help pay my bills and buy stuff i want for me and my baby Aimee when i send her my lil gifts. I love sending Aimee gifts by the way, it makes me feel all mushy inside....... But sometimes I fear what if I had no job at all? What if i was a poor bastard with nothing to amount to? I speak of course when i get out on my own, and worse, with Aimee; because, I fear being a jobless bumb when me and Aimee are together. She would lose respect and love for me if I was a lazy bumb with no job. Like I said the job I have now is just a filler till I get out of college, followed by living with Aimee and starting a family, but even after college, what if something happens and I cant get work? for whatever reason, another thing I fear. I wanna work a great career and provide for my family, Aimee and my children would be everything that matters to me at that point, not video games, not anime, not unnecessary luxuries, those are all nice yes, but providing for them is all that matters to survive and have a good life. All those extras are always nice and would provide entertainment, but PROVIDING, and CARING FOR is all that matters. Of course if everything works out as planned after college, everything will be well, and we will be able to provide those nice lil luxuries in life to one another, but i still fear what if it doesnt work out, what if I can never land my career that ive been studying in school for the last couple years..... I just want life to be good for me, and Aimee when the day comes we do get married and live together. All I want is a happy household, and regardless of love and respect, you need money for that, and to get money you need a good job......Without money, love and respect dwindle, you begin to bicker and fight all the time, and end up in seperation, or worse, divorce. Thats the last thing id want for me and Aimee when we do get married and settle down. I just want a happy family.... Money = a happy family in the long run. What they say is true, money does make the world go round, and if you REALLY take time to think about it, it is true. My family, and relatives: Yes, they support me now, they care about me, but they wont always be around. Future generations will be yes, but the ones ive known growing up that have taken care of me, especially my parents, no they will not. And sometimes, it scares me to think what will happen if im left all alone in this world with no one to love me, no GF or wife, no job, and no family? I will wither away and die, like all of the poor homeless people who have lost all hope and are alone in the world these days. That is why I have to try, NO MUST not think about this stuff.... Aimee, my future career, and my future family WITH Aimee, as well as my present family that are still alive and kicking. I have to remain confident, and for the most part, I am, like i said, im happy, 99.9% of the time, but sometimes, just SOMETIMES, I think about the worst most possible outcomes for me, and well, not just me but I guess anyone could end up like this. And I know it makes me sound weak, and unconfident about all this stuff in the positive, but I am confident, and I know things will work out deep down in my heart. But im only human, sometimes a man or a woman has to stop and think about this stuff. The world can be a cold place, but it can also be a warm, calming place..... It all just depends on how you think about it and expect things to work out, and how they WILL work out as time goes by. I may sound odd for saying that last part just now, but again, I am confident, I know Aimee loves me as I love her, we have a great relationship, and we are in love, despite any problems we have had..... I know I will have a great career someday, and provide for myself and my loved ones, and I know in some way or form I will always have family to love and support me, but as a living breathing human, I have fears and what ifs........ Thats..... human behavior...... Ok well im done now, im sorry for boring all of you, and Aimee, I LOVE YOU BABY! **hugs and kisses** You are my everything, and always will be, again please dont be upset or discouraged by all ive said in this entry. Other than being a normal, feeling, thinking human, I still... just dont know why I have these fears and what not, guess im just stupid...... You know you mean everything to me! Your my baby! Peace everyone, im out!