What is it with people and hurting eachother? There are so many ways to do it. Do they enjoy watching another person in pain? How could someone enjoy that? It disgusts me.. Other peoples pain. I guess I enjoy my own or I never would've started cutting. I've stopped.. It's been a long time since I've cut myself... I don't think I enjoy it like I used to. I think I liked my self inflicted pain.. Because I could control it. Unlike the pain my parents put me through... With my last entry I suppose I made my mom out to look innocent.. She was anything but that.. Where my dad abused us physically... My mother abused us both mentally and physically. But what would you expect from two drug addict parents? Maybe something a little nicer.. But. Judging from their tendancies when they're sober... We would've grown up just as badly.. Though I would've been beaten more. Atleast by my father. I don't know if my mother was always so mean. I know my father was. I won't go into any stories about my mother.. I've gotten good at forgetting them. I do have to live with her.. Though several of them were dredged up when I broke down and cried in my sisters garage.. I don't know.. I have a lot more to tell.. Other then about my mother and father. But about being sexually abused.. and letting stuff like that happen. Having my parents let that happen to me.. and have them beating me for it happening to in the first place. I don't know.. I lived a pretty messed up life.. All of it happened to me because I let it. When I got old enough to understand it. I made a stand.. and everything cooled down a bit... Everything except the regular beatings from my dad. Last year.. I guess I started the avalanche that rescued me from the rest of it. I took a stand. I told my father that if he ever hit me again I would leave.. I didn't the first few times... Then I did.. But I'd always come back.. Mom made me. She didn't have the room. But I kept pushing at her... To help me get out. I needed to get out and she knew it. One of her roomates moved out.. and my little brother talked his way into being allowed to move in with her. I think he was afraid I was going to stay with my dad.. I know he didn't want to watch it anymore.. But my dad and I got into a fight.. It was less of a fight then him accusing me of something.. and then swinging... Needless to say. I left.. For good. I guess I've decided on the whole goal for this sitdiary.. To make it easier for those of you who wish to understand me to actually be able to do that. I just don't know how much I'm willing to share. I'm not really ready to talk about being raped or mollested.. So I won't. But being beat is something I grew up with.. It was constant... I guess since there was so much of it it's easier to talk about.. I don't know.. But I'm exhausted... and sore.. So I'm off to bed.. Night ya'll.. Sweet dreams n crup.