It's been so long, I really don't know why I'm bothering with this. Since the last time I updated this... I turned 18... I broke up with Robyn and started dating Josh... I love him. I don't know why I do. I almost wish I didn't. Isn't it wonderful how someone can lift you up so much but at the same time make you so fragile... ?? It makes me feel weak. It's been a while since I've felt weak. The last person who made me feel weak barely speaks to me anymore. But I never felt the same for him as he did for me... I mean yes, I loved him... But I was never in love with him. I still worry about him. Although, there's no reason for it. He's fine... He sticks to his faith and really does well within it. I'm glad life hasn't beaten him down. As for Joshua Nathaniel Cooper... I really do love him. It scares me so much. I don't like this weakness he brings to me.. But I couldn't imagine being without him. My friends don't find him very attractive... But I really don't care. He makes me happy and that's all that counts right? That's all that matters to me... But I feel like I'm making a mistake... Allowing for someone to get close to me again... I keep asking myself if this is really what I want... But... I want to be with him... Or I wouldn't be wasting my time.. And Robyn? Well, he just complicates things... I care about him a lot... and he wants to be with me when I'm done with school... But I don't think I can... I want to be able to still be friends with him, he's a great guy... But it has just complicated things so much I don't know what to do... Maybe, we just weren't meant to be friends? Hmm... I've been on break the past couple of weeks... I went home, saw all of my old friends. It was really neat! Jillian hates me. I've come to accept it. There's nothing I can do about it... I don't even know if I want to anymore. I'll always think highly of her... But this is a whole wasn't meant to be kind of thing. Everyone else seemed happy to see me. Karmen even came down from Eugene just to see me!! Last night... Roo threw a wicked party... I <3'd all of it! I ran into a wall... Got shitfaced... Got to play nurse... Got to dance with my girls... I had a ton of fun... I love them so much... So to end this, I'm really excited to be going back to school. I'm happy to get to see my boyfriend and my friends at school... But I'm sad to leave my family and friends all over again. I know when I get back to school I'll probably get homesick in the end though, what I'll accomplish at school is worth it... <33333 Roxy