It suddenly occurs to me that I'm pathetic.. I have nothing better to do then play around on the computer for hours on end. But it also occurs to me that I don't give a flying fuck. Who cares if I'm pathetic when most of the world are a bunch of sappy idiots who waste there life dreaming of love. I don't believe in love. I don't believe in happiness being brought to you by a single person. I honestly don't think it's possible. They say that everyone falls in love atleast once. That those of us who're lucky find it more then once. I don't think love even exists. Atleast not for me. I'm damned to a life of anger.. Something unfamiliar to me.. But something I feel none the less more and more. As things go though.. I really don't care. I haven't cried in ages.. I have this undeniable urge to do so... But yet somehow I can't even cry anymore. It's ridiculous. What good is a girl who can't do what girls do best? There's always pain here. In my life that's what you get.. I think the people here thrive on it. I know they enjoy it... Atleast they seem to enjoy it an awful lot when I'm miserable. People around me come and go. The only thing thats ever the same is the attitudes of those around me. Always spiteful and mean. Always waiting for you to fuck up.. Or give in. I haven't done either. Not recently. Maybe that's why I feel so secluded from the rest of the population... Maybe not. Maybe because I'm just a bitch who knows how to hide it. Hide everything. My walls are enough to keep me from showing my pain.. But why? Why even bother with it anymore? It's not like I care.. and knowing that I don't care scares me. What's worse.. I'm hardly ever scared or afraid.. and I'm really and trully afraid of this.