Peacefully sleeping... but then reality kicks in and my heart beats faster. I can't believe I'm here, again. I thought I was past this. I've been down this way so many times before. Listening to the sound of your tears makes me want to rip my heart out. I don't know what to do anymore. I've taken all the detours this life has to offer, but it always leads me back here. My stupid mouth says too much or maybe it says too little. You get angry... and although I've become deaf to your screams, they still pierce my heart and the blood flows rapidly with no end in sight. I wish I was a better person, I really do. Or maybe a little stronger. I'm trying, believe me. Cut me some slack, I'm really trying. I know you're tired, and I know this is selfish... but what about me? Would you believe me if I said I'm tired of this? That I'm tired, period. No matter how much sleep I do, or do not get, it's the same thing - I'm so tired and worn out. But you wouldn't know, would you? You're too busy. Too busy for me. Too busy for life. I love you, but some days I get sick of making the effort to relate to you and others, especially when time after time those sincere, whole-hearted efforts get thrown back in my face. In the past year, I honestly think I've been the best person I've ever been my whole life - but for whatever reason in your eyes, I've been the worse. And now I'm tired of trying to prove to you that I am a good kid, so I surrender. You like me better this way, anyway. Quiet. Secluded. Alone. That way I have more time to do things for you. To make things perfect so you won't have to overwork yourself. So you won't have to miss your favorite TV show, or your telephone call. Don't worry. I'll do the dishes. The laundry. The whole house. I'll make sure your bills and other things are mailed on time. I'll call into work and let them know you'll be late. Don't worry. I don't need anything for my birthday, I want you to have something nice for yourself. I'm dying here. Why? Because somewhere down the line I started to care. Started to actually feel. Or maybe I don't care, and feel enough. Either way, I opened up to you... but never, ever again.