ok.. sit diary was down when i wrote this.. but its in here now.. umk.. i'm confused... really confused i have discovered that if i : want a b/f, i would want one for the sake of a relationship, as opposed to being with someone particular; and i don't know myself well enough to know what i want.... so i have decided that until i know what i want and want it no matter what kind of restraints i have to put on myself (ie no dating etc)...me=no dating/relationships and then.. post-decision (as mentioned above) i realized a thing or two ok i currently am attracted to in some sense two (well they're both mentally boys so i'm just gonna say "guys") guys, here dubbed peaches and cream. don't ask.. they're totally random. ok peaches.. well.. i SO enjoy spending time with him and talking to him and just watching him (not in the creepy stalker way, just in the people watcher way) and i love the way our friendship is.. but.. i know he does't like me that way. the last time i saw him, i kissed him goodbye.. on the cheek of course.. and i'm not sure why i did that... but i don't really regret it.. because it felt so natual. and i'm just comfortable with us being how we are.. and i don't get angry that he doesn't like me.. and i'm ok with everything.. hence why it doens't bug me and he fits the thing up there now creme (ooo french spelling! w00t!) TOTALLY diff story. its really weird cause its never really occured to me that he was kinda attractive.. well except before patrick and i started going out... but i forgot about that till today. and he has this really nice soft hair.. and he's so weird.. in the slightly dorky way.. but i like it about him. and i see him every week. and he goes to church with me and so he'll prolly (ok.. hopefully) gonna be at vbs, and church and all sorts of church functions. ok next week.. there's this thing where we do like community service and such... and he goes every year.. and i was gonna, but then i decided not to.. (money) and if i went.. perhaps i would have gotten to know him better.. that's what i want to do, get to know him better.....so now about church & vbs.. now i normally dress down at church to as down as it gets without mum giving me a bad look and telling me to get dressed.. but now.. i'm like.. ack.. need to look good. and vbs.. there's the possibility of him being there.. so now i have to look good.... at 9 am! uh!? and the great thing about it is.. i don't have to be different than how i am.. cause he's seen me at my worse..... not saying how because most people know this little detail about my life.... but its just iunno.. it doesn't hurt tho. :)