Life is so confusin. somtimes it is good the rest of the time it is bad. today was one of those bad days where i wanted to go back to my old habit of cutting. had my cousin not been here i would have but she followed me eveywhere i went. pain in the butt. things r better. i guess. oh evrythign is so confusin

well little Lucas Anthony arrived. he is sweet as sweet can be. He weighed 7 lbs 1 oz. 20 in long. he is almost 2 weeks old. he has changed so much in two weeks. he is starting to make faces and moves his mouth like he is learning to make noise. i love him more than anything in this world i think his biological father is actually going to walk away which is a good thing. Antonio was in the delivery room with me and he is the only father Lucas knows and hopefully will always be. Lucas loves him and he loves Lucas.

We went to Georgia and got to see Keenan he looks great and he is the same boy. gotta love him. he comes home Sept. 22nd. cant wait. getting close to d day. I have to have another ultrasound because the doc thinks he is small. the appointment is 2morrow at 830 i cant wait to see him but i am scared that he is really sick or something. Everybody please pray that he will be okay. I dont think anybody reads my site anymore or at least they never comment who knows. well Lucas is kicking so i am going to get off of here. later

My parents and I went out to eat at China Buffet the other day and we got two fortune cookies a peice well i was amused by mine: Turn your Scars into Stars!! and You are offered the dream of a lifetime. Say Yes!! my fortune cookies always seem to have to do with something in my life. not totally sure what the second one means though. a while back ago Scott and i were fighting because he said i let everybody use me that i did everything for them and they did nothing back for me well later that night i went to china buffet(with my parents of course) and my fortune cookie read something about you are willing to do anything to please the people you love.

Everybody constantly asks about my pregnancy and my food cravings and i swear it drives a sane person crazzzzy. but yeah i swear like i dont really have food cravings. my main change in my prego life is my personality. I have become an extremely hostile bitch in the last 7 months. I am so unstable, and untrusting it isnt even funny. I do not know which way to turn. I am obsessive over people and i want everybodies world to revolve around me and i have never been like that before. It is crazy and it is probably part of the reason i lost Scott. honestly everybody i think he was the love of my life.. hell i know he was...but maybe that is just because i am not over him yet.... give it time no matter what he is gone for good which is the hardest thing to live with right now. but yeah my pregnancy is running pretty smoothly i am gaining weight somewhat. i mean i am pbly small for seven months but i was overweight in the first place so its okay with me as long as Lucas is healthy

well i am getting ready in about 12 days to go to Georgia and see my little brother. He is at basic training. He graduates real soon. Then he has like a month of AIT and then he will be finally home.

well i am almost 7 months pregnant. I am having a little boy. his name is goign to be (more than likely) Lucas Scott Smtih. Scott and i are officially done. he wont even speak to me anymore. He is now dating one of my friends. my cousin Ryan is going to be in Iraq very soon and sometime soon Shawn will also be going. Laci and Keenan are at basic training. Hailey is doing awesome. she is six weeks going on six months lol. i call her Chipmunk cuz she likes to collect formula in her mouth and spit it out when u sit her up to burb her. well guess that is all

Hailey Ann was born today at 8:33 am. she was beautiful. 7 lbs. 3 oz. 21 inches long. she is so small other than she has really big feet. my mom says she has her daddy's feet cuz my older brother had big feet when he was born. lol. but she is a precious little angel. perfect in every way. it is so exciting to be a aunt and i love showing off the pixs i have of her. Keanna was in labor for 26 hours. kind of scares me because im the next to have a baby. the whole situation scares me. i watched aaron holding his daughter and the way he looked at her and just got to thinking my baby wont have his/her daddy all the time like that and its my fault. i am the one that chose to leave josh but at the same time i didnt want to be unhappy for the rest of my life. maybe i am selfish. sometimes i wish i could put the baby up for adoption and give it a mom and dad and some what of a normal life. i am so scared. i dont know that i am ready to be a mommy. i guess i really dont have a choice anymore i screwed up and now i have responsibilities to follow through with. i have to make it okay for this babys sake him/her doesnt deserve to have a bad life cuz of its mommy's choice

hey everybody....long time no update..... well Keenan left for basic and discovered he didnt know as much as he thought he did...... he spent his bday on a bus for eighteen hours... umm i find out what i am havingon hte ninteenth and shawn comes home the sixteenth i think i cant ever remember.... umm Laci doesnt know when she is leaving to basic.... Keanna should have Hailey on the 16th if not before. they are inducing her labor on the 15th at night if she hasnt went into labor on her own well thats all

well i havent really updated with whats going on in my life in a while i had my first doc appointment on Wednesday it went over pretty well but Vancuren switched my next appointment to 2 weeks instead of four so he could listen for the heartbeat cuz u cant always tell at ten weeks Scott and i seem to be doing great. I dont know what i would do without him he spoils me and gives me the world and i will do just about anything to make him happy (hell i spent 4 hours cleaning his house on Tuesday lol) Scotts dog Jayda is a pain in the ass but she is so my girl she cries when i am not at Scotts and she looks for me but at the same time when i am there she follows me everywhere lol I havent really talked to Josh since he asked me if the baby was really his that just really pissed me off but hey we have to learn to get along i think that is all for now

Your Personality Is Artisan (SP) You are both grounded and flexible. You adapt well to new situations. You are playful and free spirited - but you are also dependable and never flaky. You don't do well in conservative, stuffy situations. It's probably very hard for you to keep a normal job or stay in school. You are always up for fun and adventure. Most people are too boring for you. You take risks and bend the rules. And if things don't work out, you chock it up to life experience. In love, you tend to take things quickly - but you have a huge problem with commitment. At work, you need to make your own rules. You're best suited to be an entrepreneur. With others, you are animated and physical. You prefer doing something with friends to just hanging out. As far as your looks go, you tend to be buff and in good shape. Your spend more time on your body than your clothes. On weekends, you need to keep active. From cooking up a storm to running a 5K, you wear yourself out.The Three Question Personality Test Your Five Factor Personality Profile Extroversion: You have low extroversion. You are quiet and reserved in most social situations. A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you. You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people. Conscientiousness: You have high conscientiousness. Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life. Most things in your life are organized and planned well. But you borderline on being a total perfectionist. Agreeableness: You have high agreeableness. You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly. Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone. You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance. Neuroticism: You have high neuroticism. It's easy for you to feel shaken, worried, or depressed. You often worry, and your worries prevent you from living life fully. You tend to be emotionally reactive and moody. Your either flying very high or feeling very low. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is medium. You are generally broad minded when it come to new things. But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it. You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.The Five Factor Personality Test

Your 1920's Name is: Wilhelmina RosaleeWhat's Your 1920's Name? Your Japanese Name Is... Gen ImaidegawaWhat's your Japanese Name?

Your Birth Month is June Peaceful and harmonious, you seek the gentle side of life. Your warmth and consideration touches many. Your soul reflects: Friendship, love, and beauty Your gemstone: Pearl Your flower: Rose Your colors: Light blue, white, and creamWhat Does Your Birth Month Mean?

Your Candy Heart Says "First Kiss" You're a true romantic who brings an innocent hope to each new relationship. You see the good in every person you date, and you relish each step of falling in love. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a romantic dinner your sweetie cooks for you Your flirting style: friendly and sweet What turns you off: cynics who don't believe in romance Why you're hot: you always keep the romance aliveWhat Does Your Candy Heart Say?

Josh and i broke up. There was no way i could marry him. I want to be happy when i get married not hope it works out that way. It was time to call it quits. Well we were going to work out visitation and stuff but now as far as im concerned he can just get the fuck out of my life and not come back. He isnt really got anything to offer this child as of now. He appaerntly thinks he has visitation of me as long as im pregnant but hell know that aint how it works. Scott is willing to help raise the baby and Jon. who knows But it pissed me off when he asked who was the father of the baby cuz i didnt start having second thoughts bout our relationship until i got pregnant but hell maybe it took that to realize he wasnt good for me or the baby

The Keys to Your Heart You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

well what does sex cause? pregnancy. lol i bet u all knew tat but yeah i am excited and i am due Oct. 9 or around that time but yea

hello everybody how is all your guys life going? hopefully better than mine so i think i am goin to get out of the army and yeah i dont know from there. finish later love ya guys

well christmas eve was full of a lot of fighting between josh and me well then Shawn came over and Josh decided he wanted to go with him. he asked me if he could and i okayed it even though i really wanted him to stick around. well Laci showed up and she is like where is Josh and i told her so she called him up and wanted to know what the fuck he was doing and y he wasnt at home with me well tat pissed Josh off so we fought all nite bout that. well xmas mornin was bout the same every year other than we didnt open presents until 730-8 instead of 4 or 5 in the morning. then we went to Josh's aunt and watched the kids open their presents. then i spent time in the kitchen with his aunt and we got to know each other then we went to his family christmas and ate upto 2 230 then we went to my grandmas. at my grandmas Josh just vanished and then when i finally found him we ended up fighting over a cigarette then i called Laci so we ended up fighting bout that it was just pure crazy. well then we went home and i got a call from laci asking what Shawns cell number is and i was like y Laci she was like i got a number that looks like his and i was like Laci it cant b cuz he dont have a cell phone well then Kyles mom calls Keenan askin him and he tells them the same. well then we call back and give them the cell number and told them if they dont believe us call them theirselves. so we found out the situation and it caused a big war between everybody at kyles and Shawn and Josh it got to be pathetic. all because Shawn slept with Lisa and left a stupid message on the answering machine. well about midnight Laci shows up and asks me if i want to go to walmart with them well i did and i asked if josh could go and they were like yes and he told me no so i left and when i came back like 25 mins later he was bitchy and we had to discuss things and yeah in the end we had sex and we went to sleep.

i am thinking about leaving for Basic early and here is my list of pros and cons PROS get this all started money to pay off debts CONS missing Laci's wedding missing walking across the stage cont. later