It's weird how a sertain song or smell can take you back in time... back when life was simple and carefree... back when i didn't have to worry about anything important... i was just a kid having fun. some tell me I have changed a lot, I'm not as fun as I used to be... others tell me I'm more mature and I changed for the better... but they don't know... nobody could possibly know. I've been independent my whole life... even when I was a child, I liked doing things on my own... I never let my mum breat feed me, I stopped using dippers at 6 months, I always got changed on my own, I did everything by myself. and that's the way I liked it and still do till this day. I wish I was still the innocent little kid that knew nothing about this fucked up life. Babies are so innocent and pure.. but it's life that makes them turn out the way humans are. Not even the people you're suppose to trust and love are good people [family]. Most men in my life have dissappointed me, and that might be the reason I don't trust many people. My friends..heh, they're not the most decent people I know, but I love them none the less. I wish I had remained the friendships with those that I lost... to me, my friends ARE my family... and my real family are people I would rather not associate with. I'm numb to all feelings since moving here... I take everything and lock it up never to come out. At first I was reluctant and refused of living here, I would've done antyhing to leave... then the pain vanished and the anger set in... months passed and I let evertyhing bottle up inside me... I had no motivation towards anything.. down to the point where I droped out of school because my grades were so low. I would've cared before, but now I see it as a big weight off my shoulders... I can breath more easy, and I smile more... but the damage has been done, and it's going to take a lot for me to be a regular person.. I'm learning, slowly, but surely. Looking back and thinking about each particular friend, they've all grown.. including me. Everyone has changed so much. We were all different people with different lives. But I have hope... things are looking up for once in a very long time.